Just have to get it off my chest!

When I was a very young girl I learned a very important lesson from my big brother Rob that has stayed with me through out my entire life. Don't EVER, EVER agree to scratch someone's back for a football minute!!!! Especially someone who understands the game well enough to happen to pick a minute that will last FOR...EVER!!!!!!! My brother Rob watches every sport ever invented. Therefore, I grew up watching every sport ever invented. I used to love to watch basketball and football games. He of course not only watches professional games but college games as well. I enjoyed watching sports so much I would often skip out on sunday school just to watch the Denver Broncos play. I also ADORED the Chicago Bulls!!! Well, when Brian and I met he loved the Dallas Cowboys and the Utah Jazz and we only had one television so we just chose to not watch any games because it just didn't work out. After a few years Brian picked up watching Dallas Cowboys games again but by then none of my old players I knew and loved on the Broncos were even playing anymore and it just wasn't any fun for me to watch anymore. I just started watching Dallas games too and I really like them now. I still root for the Broncos too but I'm more of a Dallas fan these days. All I had to do was watch a Dallas game occasionally but he never watched any other sports. It was WONDERFUL!!! The last several years he has decided he is a real die hard sports fan! He watches EVERY game of EVERY sport, college AND professional. He even watches games of teams he doesn't like. He's turned into ROB!!!We live with Brian's mom now. So does his brother, Chris. Chris has always watched sports like my brother Rob. That's all they ever watch I swear! SPORTS!!! CONSTANTLY!!! I don't know how much more of this I can bear. I know we have several t.v.'s in the house and I should just watch something but I also really like to spend time with Brian. So seriously though, what is up with watching every.single.game?!?! Including the ones of teams that you HATE?!!! UGGGHHH!!! I just had to get that off my chest!
~Did you know that if you buy a gun at Walmart you have to sign your whole life away, you have to do it between the hours of 9am and 7pm and have a background check, be there for 2 hours for the entire process (well in my case anyway) and it really, really bites?!!! Then once the torture is complete they make a manager walk you to your car with the gun to make sure that you don't give into your frustrations and go postal! If Brian ever wants another gun...I don't care if it's a gift or not...HE has to buy it HIMSELF!!! Oy vey!!!
~We made super cute ornaments today for the tree. Last year we did it too and it was so much fun and easy I decided to do it every year.
~I finally have all of my Christmas shopping done. Finished this morning. Yes it's Christmas Eve and I just finished today but Brian just got paid yesterday so I didn't have a choice.
~Brian's brother Joshua is home for Christmas!!! HOORAY!!! He's the baby of the family. We all adore Joshua! The adults and the kids! He's awesome and we are all so happy to have him around. He is such a nice, fun, happy guy and we miss him when he's away! So glad he gets to be here for 2 weeks!!!
~I finally watched It's A Wonderful Life the other day. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that show! It's one of my all time favorite movies! My mom and I are the only ones who like it in my family so we used to watch it together every year. Now I torture Brian and the kids with it. It's just so good I don't get how anyone wouldn't just love watching it year after year after year!!!
~I'm trying really hard to be happy and not feel sad about not seeing my family this year on Christmas. I'm trying not to think about my parents sitting at home on Christmas day all alone because we are all away. It's just been super sad for me this year for some reason. My brother Rob's birthday is on Christmas day and I always miss him lots that day and his beautiful family. I'm missing my sisters and their families and Nate and his family. I can't listen to I'll Be Home For Christmas without crying this year. I'm such a boob! I'm trying to not be bummed out so I can still make it super fun and happy for the kids. It's just hard because as adults we realize the joy for us comes from interacting with and enjoying time with the people in our lives that we love so much. I just hope all of my family members have a wonderful day and that they know how much I love each and every one of them!!! Merry Christmas to them and to all of you!! And happy birthday Robby!!!! (And happy birthday to my sister Katie's husband Chris who's birthday is also Christmas day!!! We love him too!!)

I posted some pics on Word From The Zoo today if you are invited to that blog check it out. If you aren't ask me for an invite!!

Random thoughts...

~You should always remember to pour your popcorn on a cookie sheet to let the unpopped kernels fall to the bottom and scoop the popped popcorn off and place in your bowl when making caramel corn. I hate biting into caramel corn and almost breaking my teeth on an unpopped kernel.
~Brian wants to get me an expensive present that we can't afford unless he calls it a Christmas/Birthday present since my birthday is in January. Part of me REALLY wants this expensive present but part of me hates to have one present. I mean really, you get 2 real gift getting days all year. Do you really want just one present...for the whole year? I'm still debating on that one. Usually we can't afford either but this year we can or it wouldn't even be an issue.
~Gracie is half crawling. She army crawls and real crawls sometimes. She is getting so big! She loves to play with her brother's cars and action figures and basically anything she can find to chew on. She has 2 teeth now. She is so happy and so pretty. She waves now. She is so much better at eating now which is nice. She is just pure joy!!!!
~Matthew is feeling so much better thank goodness!!!
~My teeth hurt any time I eat anything hot or especially cold. They have hurt for like a month and a half. I'm about to pull my teeth out by myself...anyone have a good set of plyers?!!!
~I MISS MY FAMILY!!! I've been married for 16 years now and we used to take turns spending Christmas with my family one year and Brian's the next until Zack was like 5 and we stopped. I wish we could be with my family this year. I'm especially lonely for them this year for some reason...
~Christmas time is so much fun!!! I just love it!!! It's almost over...
~Does anyone gave any good soup recipes to share? I just love soup this time of year!!! It's the best!!!
~I can't wait for New Year's Eve!! I just love it! We always have a fun little party and the kids just love it!
~Well, I hope everyone has a super fun Christmas!!! And the best New Year EVER!!!

Pneumonia......

Matthew couldn't breathe again when he woke up Friday morning. He puffed on the inhaler 3 times by 9:00 a.m. One time was after he had a fit because I wouldn't let him go to school. It was after all Hat Parade day and wear your p.j.'s to school day for kindergarten and Santa was coming to visit the kindergarten classes. He was NOT happy to be missing it all. When I was in the shower he came running in saying he couldn't breathe. He was panting and couldn't breathe enough to inhale the albuterol when I tried the inhaler on him so I took him to the emergency room. His oxygen level was 83 and they did a chest xray and discovered he has pneumonia. They gave him a breathing treatment and steroids and put him on oxygen and he still wasn't doing well so they admitted him to the hospital. This was the first time one of our children was hospitalized and it freaked us out but we are so grateful they took such great care of him! They gave him i.v. antibiotics and breathing treatments every 4 hours and steroids and he responded so well they let him come home Saturday morning. I was able to sleep in the room with him on my own bed so I could be close to him. My heart went out to those of you who have had children in the hospital for long periods of time. How scary it must have been and how difficult to watch your precious children suffer for so long. I am so grateful to live where we can just go right to the doctor or hospital when we or our children need treatment. Thank heavens for good doctors, attentive nurses, thoughtful volunteers, and friends and family to offer prayers. It has been a wonderful thing to live with Brian's mom and his brother Chris right now. They have helped us so much through swine flu, croop, other colds, and now Matthew's pneumonia and hospitalization. What a comfort it was to just be able to run him to the hospital and know that Gracie, Max, and Zack would be well taken care of!!! Matthew is doing so much better now and actually hated to leave the hospital. He enjoyed having his own t.v., making crafts with mom, having all of mom and dad's undivided attention, and being waited on hand and foot by us and the nurses. We're glad he can breathe again!!!! Breathing is good!!!!!!!!

Dear Santa,

Here is my Christmas list for this year.


~I would really, really appreciate it if I could not have to make dinner for the rest of the month. By dinner time I'm spent and the last thing I want to do is make dinner. I added crock pot meals to the menu thinking that would help the situation but I'm too busy (and lets face it, more than a little scatterbrained) to remember to actually put the food in the crock pot.
~Some cute "mom jeans". I like hip, and cool clothes but I have hips so it really hasn't been working for me. I also have a definite MOM belly after carrying 4 babies. I'm thinking if the jeans were designed really cute and fashionable on the bottom and a little like maternity jeans at the top but instead of being extra stretchy and low, the panel could be made from Spanks and go up extra high then they would be just about right for my body. That would be so great and Brian would especially love these since I wouldn't whine to him every.single.day about my stupid jeans.
~I would also appreciate having a computer that actually works ALL OF THE TIME!!!
~Oh, I was also thinking a lesbian life partner in addition to my husband would be nice. Not for the sex part of course but because I think it would be nice to have a partner that thinks like a woman, acts like a woman, and helps out like a woman. You know, someone that sees what needs to be done and just...does it! Without being asked!!! And when I have conversations with them they would actually respond in the right places instead of just not really saying much or trying to solve the problem they would actually nod, say I know!! or really? or you have GOT to be kidding me?! or NO WAY!!! or stuff that generally lets you know you are having a conversation with a real life person instead of the wall. Also, they would help out with the house work and put the clothes away after I fold them and hang them on hangers since I really hate doing that! They would make the menus, do the grocery shopping, run the kids lunches to school when I forget to send them, plan the budget and make sure I stick to it, pay the bills, make sure the cars are clean and maintained and all the stuff I'm not such a big fan of so I can just hold my baby and enjoy every moment of her babyhood!!! OOOO and I could actually scrapbook once in a while and read books and write and quilt and sew. She would also go shopping with me and tell me what looks cute and what looks like crap. That would be super!!!
~Also, if it wouldn't be too much to ask, I could really use a good vacation! Maybe two of them even. A super nice, romantic, relaxing vacation with my husband and a really super fun, kid friendly one with the whole family. It's been TOOOO long!!!!!

Thanks Santa! You're the greatest!!!
Love,
Tara
~

Too much fun!!!!!

This time of year is so much fun and so crazy! There just isn't time for a whole lot of cleaning!  I think I need a maid. Or at least a full weekend with nothing else to do but clean. That wouldn't be very fun of course. I guess we'll just be a mess until January........

My 2 favorite things....

Tonight I watched Julie and Julia. It is a combination of my two favorite forms of entertainment...blogging and cooking! It was very enjoyable! It is a true story about a woman that is feeling really lost and finds a way in her busy life to enjoy the love she has for writing by blogging. I can relate completely since as many of you know, I started this whole blogging thing during a melt down time in my life. I just didn't feel like my life had meaning or purpose beyond cooking, cleaning, laundry. UGH!!! I told Brian I felt like I had lost my joy.  I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt lost and confused and alone. Being a stay at home mom and wife is not very rewarding at times. Being a mom and wife in general isn't very rewarding at times. You work hard all day long and at the end of the day no one can tell what you did all day, including yourself, because it's all a mess again. It sometimes feels like you're trapped in the movie Groundhog Day. But if you know that is what you are meant to do it's a wonderful thing most of the time. I have my days of feeling really frustrated but most of the time I do love what I do and I wouldn't change it for anything. I just was in such a rut and don't know why but it really sucked and I haven't felt like that since. THANK HEAVENS!!! I think I just had to really evaluate myself and see if this is really what I wanted and needed to do. Once I knew the answer to that question it's been good and I have joy in what I do and realize it is what I WANT and NEED to do!! It's not for everyone but it's for me. Blogging kind of saved ME I guess. The me I couldn't find in the middle of my mom world. It helped me feel like I could do something for me and that was ok. I started out thinking it was a great way to keep family and friends updated on our lives since they don't all live close and don't get to see the kids. It turned into a hobby, passion, ADDICTION!!! I LOVE writing and have always dreamed of writing in some capacity and this is just kind of a fun outlet for that. It also is kind of a journal and that has been super great to go back and read old posts and feel so happy that I actually have a record of our life. It was also a connection to the outside world for me. I totally NEEDED that!!! And still do! Facebook has added to the fun of that of course but blogging is where it started for me. It also at times is kind of like a scrapbook for me without the huge mess for my kids to attack.
It turns out that very few family members are interested enough to ever read my blog and that's ok. It stopped being for that a long time ago. It's my silly, quirky little outlet and I know that many people just don't "get" it and that's ok too. For those of you who DO "get" it and read my blog...THANK YOU!!! I love knowing others like my blog! It makes me happy! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE getting comments from people. I was so sad when my blog was broken and I couldn't get comments.
I'm trying to be brave enough to actually write a fictional story. This particular story has been floating around in my thoughts for about a year now. I'll let you know if I do it. OOOO Scary and exciting all at once!

Let me just start out by saying &%^$ >?@!~&^%(*&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, now that that's out of my system I can go on.  Whew I needed that!!!!


Have you ever known anyone that never misses an opportunity for "I told you so"s and tries to always tear down everyone they ever come in contact with and brings everyone down that they interact with by digging at them and making them feel worse than they did when they ran into you? I know someone like that and I really hope and pray that I can be the complete opposite of that! That when I run into someone I can uplift them and make them feel better for having talked with me and spread a little sunshine around. I know that I'm not like that all the time and that life is hard and sometimes I ooze negativity too but I really don't mean to or want to and I hope I can be better. I know being torn down and brought down and stomped on by someone has a tendency to rub off on those around them and I really hope to rise above it and to be positive and good.
~I LOVE Christmas time! I love the snow, the music, the food, the smells, the lights, the ornaments, the trees, the wreathes, basically everything about it and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being able to see it all through my little children's eyes! Makes it even more enjoyable!
~We went to my family Christmas party last Friday night. It was tons of fun! The kids made gingerbread houses out of graham crackers and the adults made real gingerbread houses. I was so going to try making my own this year but chickened out and bought one at the last minute for $10. Zack finished his and was moving it from the table and dropped it and all the candy fell off of it and it broke. Poor kid! We decided to let him decorate the one we had bought. He had fun and that's all that matters! This year the kids bought gifts for each other and the adults decided that instead of exchanging gifts this year we would play a white elephant game of sorts. It was actually bingo. Each adult purchased a $5-$10 gift to wrap and bring to the party. The gifts were placed in the middle of the table and each time someone got a bingo they were able to either pick a gift from the middle or trade with someone else if they wanted their gift. Once your bingo card was completetly full you could either open the gift in your hand or steal someone else's to open. It was so much fun!!! Brian ended up with an air soft bb gun and I had a nice bottle of bath and body works lotion and a Christmas towel with a snowman on it. So cute! It was a really fun night!!!
~I finally made pumpkin bars. Now moving on to all of my favorite fattening Christmas goodies! HOORAY!!!
~All of our kids and Brian have had a cold. Matthew hadn't had it yet but started to cough a little here and there on Sunday and I thought for sure he was starting the cold too. That night he was eating some chicken noodle soup for dinner and started having problems breathing. I thought he was having an asthma attack and had Brian give him a puff of albuterol from the inhaler. Well, he just got worse. Brian gave him benedryl. He still didn't improve. I was wondering if it was asthma or if he had accidentally been exposed to nuts or something. He said he didn't breathe the inhaler very well so I decided to give him the liquid albuterol he had left after the swine flu. He got so bad he was not able to catch his breath. I thought I should call 911 but we live really close to the hospital and decided it would be faster to drive him. I was afraid by the time we got to the hospital he wouldn't be breathing at all he was so bad! I expected him to pass out any time. As all of this was running through my mind Brian suggested we use the epipen. Now any of you who know Brian know he doesn't get upset or excited about ANYTHING! If HE is suggesting this it's BAD!!! So I held him down and Brian gave him the shot. Matthew really was very brave through the whole thing I might add! He started breathing better and we took him to the hospital. Once we were there he started doing the barky cough of croup. Matthew had chronic croup from the age of one to about 3 or 4 but hasn't had it for a couple of years. Max has had it a few times and so did Zack when he was a baby. I KNOW what croup sounds like and trust me the kid was not showing signs of croup until we were at the hospital. With croup if you have them in the cold air or if they are drinking ice water or something the restriction in their air way improves and they can breathe better. We wonder if the warm soup made his air way constrict and that's was the problem. We don't know! We do know however that albuterol makes croup worse so the double dose of albuterol didn't help him out at all. Thank heavens we have an epi pen!! Anyway, that was too much excitement for me and I hope I never have to watch him struggle that hard to breathe ever again. SCARY!!! That's the second time in his life he's been that bad and I hope it doesn't happen again!
~Our computer is broken again and I have to share again that is why I don't post very often. Brian is hoping to fix it tonight. Cross your fingers for me please!!! 
~I totally love the setting on blogs that makes it so you are notified of comments made on your blog by email!!! It's the best! BTW: My spell check option is gone on my blog so please don't critique too much. I have been typing with a very chatty 3 year old talking to me and a very squirmy 6 month old on my lap.
~I hope you all are enjoying this fun Christmas time!!! Happy celebrating!!!

Randomness is back in business!!! HOORAY!!!

I'm so excited I just can't stand it! My blog actually updates and keeps comments for the first time in a few weeks!! LOVE IT!!

A little randomness is in order!!! Ok...First thing. Brian thinks it's best to have one really super great gift for Christmas. One big, expensive present to open. I am totally the opposite. I want QUANTITY!!! I have a million little things I would love to have but never spend money on and I want a whole bunch of those things to open up on Christmas morning. He gives me 1 or 2 gifts to open and I usually give him a whole bunch of things to open. I think that while we are both thankful for our gifts we are honestly a little disappointed on Christmas morning. There have been years we haven't had anything under the tree for each other or we would spend $10-$20 each. I would totally think I was cool with it until Christmas morning came around and I'll admit, it was pretty disappointing to not have a single thing under the tree with my name on it. I know that's probably kind of selfish but I can't help it. I would have been totally cool with 10 things from the dollar store wrapped and placed under the tree but Brian would have thought that was at least as bad if not worse than having nothing under the tree. I have always thought it was the difference between our sexes. Boys want big, expensive gifts PERIOD!!! Is there anything under like $200 thats really going to thrill them? I'm thinking not!! Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks it would be fun to have a whole bunch of inexpensive things under the tree instead of 1 gift. My idea of the perfect Christmas morning would be to have maybe a new bottle of pretty fingernail polish, a little fun scrapbooking packet (even though I never actually scrapbook anymore they are only 5 bucks at WalMart and so fun and cute!!!), a new shirt, a movie or cd I like, a book to read, maybe a necklace or some other piece of costume jewelry (has to be costume!!! I lose everything! AND I don't think I'd feel too comfortable having Gracie suck on a really expensive piece of jewelry but if she wants to slobber all over a $5-$10 piece I'm cool with that), a bottle of Pear Berry or Country Apple lotion from Bath and Body, a fun pair of slippers or slipper socks, a fun kitchen gadget, a new Willow statue to add to my very small collection, I could think of a zillion things like that that would be so super fun to have. So now I'm curious! What do you think? Is it better to have a bunch of gifts to open or 1 super fun, expensive gift? Please comment and even if I don't know you comment anyway!!! I'd love to hear what you all think! 

My boys are obsessed lately with trying to find their six pack stomachs in the mirror! So cute!!!

Gracie is army crawling, sitting up, and ate her first veggies last night. I was going to start with green beans but I felt that would be cruel (I think green beans are vile anyway but some how they found a way to make baby food green beans even worse) so I gave her peas instead. She gagged a few times but ate half a jar so that was a good start. Brian hates peas so he says he doesn't blame her for gagging. We always have both on the table and we did a great job of hiding our dislike of them from Zack until he was 5 years old. Pretty good!

I can't wait to start eating all of the Christmas goodies this year! I still haven't had pumpkin bars yet though, which is an absolute must for me at Thanksgiving so I have to make those first before I can start making Christmas treats.

We strung popcorn for the tree again this year. We did this 6 years ago. It took me a minute to remember why it took me 6 years to want to do it again. It looks so pretty but holy tediousness!!! And THEN I noticed yesterday that my strands were looking sparce in certain areas and found out Zack had been eating the popcorn off of the tree. I let him know we don't do that and that we have plenty of other popcorn to eat and it's actually salted and buttered. It took me hours to string that stuff! Seriously!!!

My mom, my 3 sisters, my sister-in-law, Heidi, my 2 neices, my nephew's girlfriend, and I went to New Moon together Friday morning. It was fun to go with them! I think we should have a girl's night out more often! I would drive the hour for that!! I liked New Moon so much more than I liked Twilight! JACOB!!! HELLLLOOOO!!! Oh to be 17 again and injured near Jacob so he could give me his shirt to soak up the blood. hhhmmmm  Good times!!! I know I'm like really old but he still looked HOT!!! My cousin thinks that makes me a pedafile. I just think it makes me a person with eyes that work!!!

I finally bought a new skirt! HOORAY FOR ME!!! It's been years!!! I told Brian when I was pregnant with Gracie that I was getting a new skirt to wear at the baby blessing because I am sick of wearing the same thing week after week, year after year!!! Well, he lost his job so that didn't happen. I was at the mall and decided just to look in Downeast Outfitters for a sec.  They had the cutest black and white skirt with a little red line in it. My FAVORITE color combination!!! I couldn't resist!!! It was so nice to actually have something cute to wear to church for a change!!!

Our Thanksgiving was really nice! The food was absolutely delicious! My mom is such a fantastic cook and my sisters and sister in law all pitched in wonderful stuff too! I, however, don't have my own kitchen right now and found it difficult to squeeze into my mom's or Brian's mom's the day before Thanksgiving so I took a store bought cheese ball and crackers and some soda pop. Gracie woke up for a bottle at 5:20 a.m., Matthew was having an asthma attack and needed a puff off of the inhaler and some Benedryl, and Max vomited a few minutes later all over my sister's bathroom floor but after that was all cleaned up it was a fun day. He had had greasy, spicy pizza the night before so at least it wasn't a virus that spread through everyone or anything. My friend Melissa was in Utah for Thanksgiving. It was her daughter's year to spend Thanksgiving with her dad so she brought her to him. My mom let me bring Melissa to spend Thanksgiving with our family. It was so fun to see her and to catch up on each other's lives a little bit. She looks fantastic and is so happy! I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday, too!

Flashback Blog Post From Last Year

Oy Vey!!!!


So 2 Christmas' ago I thought it would be SOOO much fun to send a picture of the boys out with our Christmas cards. Trying to get all of the boys smiling and looking in the same direction at the same time turned out to be the impossible dream. Brian was a ward clerk and was at tithing settlement that night so I was on my own and poor Zack had a broken arm (notice the red cast)and had to hold Max who was known to fling all of his body weight in any direction at any given moment. Matthew kept jumping and putting his arm up in the air every time I said to say cheese and would totally mess up the positon I had them in. There were tears. Some were mine some were theirs. When I was looking for a fun Christmas picture to put on my blog I ran across the sequence of pictures I took. I died laughing. NOW I can laugh! I just had to share! I'm hoping it gives you as much of a laugh as it gave me. We did get a few cute ones. It was a Christmas MIRACLE! I haven't done it since. I just don't have the energy.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

MY BLOG HATES ME!!!

For some reason my posts aren't posting. Please check my blog archive and click on the new post to read. I hope I can figure this out!!! Thanks!!

I am thankful for Spencer Roundy!!!!!

In 1994 Brian and I had been married for a year and we lived in an apartment in my parent's neighborhood. We went to the same church building they did and taught primary. One of the adorable little children in the primary was Spencer Roundy. He was diagnosed with brain cancer. He fought a good fight! He was so sweet and smiley and everyone just loved him and rooted for him and prayed and fasted for him. He fought the cancer for 6 years. He passed away in November 2000 at the age of 10. He was such a thoughtful and sweet boy! He was given an assignment in class not long before he passed away to write down 3 wishes. Now this is a boy who has struggled with this illness for 6 years. Basically he wrote that he wanted to be like Santa and give presents to children and help give clothes to children who needed them. How sweet!!! He was a fan of the Utah Jazz and had had the opportunity to meet the Jazz Bear mascot who loved Spencer. A year after his death Bear hosted a party where he brought $7500.00 in donations for children in the area. He committed to continue coming here every Christmas as long as the family collected the donations. They call it Spencer's Wishes. Every year they collect and every year he comes! Many children have been blessed by this great family, Spencer, and Bear. My brother, Nathan is good friends with Spencer's older brother Jason and has participated in this special day several times. I was lucky enough to be at WalMart a few years ago when the buses pulled up with the children in them who were there to get gifts. They were able to pick anything they wanted with the money they were given. Toys, clothes, music, movies, games. Whatever they needed and wanted. I think they get $100 per child. It was a beautiful experience seeing the joy on all of these sweet children's faces as they were able to benefit from the kindness of strangers who CARE!!! I marvel at the family's ability to take such an incredibly sad and difficult experience and bring something so amazing out of it!!! When we moved back into the neighborhood several years later I was in a church class of women that Spencer's mother taught. The topic she had been asked to teach about was grieving. I'm sure that was not easy for her but I will always be grateful for her willingness to share her experiences and to feel the spirit in the room so very strongly because of the sacredness of what she was sharing about her experiences with Spencer, her angel boy as he struggled to fight for so long. I live in the same town again but a different neighborhood and I am so touched by the love the community still has for Spencer, his family, and Spencer's Wishes. When I was getting new tires I saw a jar on the counter collecting for Spencer's Wishes and I unloaded what little I had in my wallet. Who could pass up such an amazing thing as Spencer's Wishes! There was a radio-thon on the local radio station the other day raising money and on Spencer's Wishes facebook his mom said they were able to raise $18,000!!! AWESOME!!! Think of all they can do for children with that! I LOVE IT!!! When I think of Spencer and Spencer's Wishes I instantly have a reverent, respectful feeling come over me. I just love what they do and love that such an amazing little boy that touched so many lives in his 10 years on this earth continues to touch so many lives! I know it makes him smile!!! If you are interested in donating or reading more about Spencer's Wishes visit http://www.spencerswishes.org/ They also donate hand made and store bought pj's to Ronald McDonald house in Provo, Utah. A blanket is sent home to a child on their first visit and the Roundy's wanted to make sure they have pj's too. They also donate pj's to children in safe houses. How sweet!!! I have been thinking about Spencer and Spencer's Wishes so much lately I just wanted to share!!!

Today I am thankful for.....

being able to RAMBLE!!!!!
~Max is 3 years old and weighs 38 lbs. I'm wondering if it would be ok if I stuffed 2 lbs of rocks in his pockets so he can weigh 40 lbs. and start sitting in a booster in the car. Not a fan of car seats! I'm a fan of the safety aspect of course but not of the constant buckling and unbuckling. I know it sounds so lazy of me but some of my happiest moments have come on the days my children start sitting in a booster and we can ditch the car seat. Even better was the day we got rid of Zack's booster and he could just sit in his normal seat...buckled normally...ALL...BY...HIMSELF!!!! Max has a new puffy winter coat which adds some fun to the whole experience!!
~I LOVE Pandora!!! If you haven't experienced the joy of Pandora and you live in a small town that has THE WORST radio stations EVER then you will truly LOVE Pandora!!! Also, if your computer has crashed and lost all of the hundreds of Cd's you copied to your computer and all of the songs you have purchased on itunes over the years...you will LOVE Pandora even more!!! If you don't know what I'm talking about go to pandora.com. It's called Pandora Radio. It's so cool!! You register your information so they can save the stations you pick. It's totally FREE!!! The way you get started is you just type in your favorite singer or song and then a box will pop up with a song on it that they think you would also like based on your choice. The song will play. You either 'thumbs up' or 'thumbs down it'. If you 'thumbs up' it it will keep going in that direction of music. If you 'thumbs down it' it tries a new song. It saves your 'stations' you set up and each time you return to pandora.com you just pick a station it has saved for you or you can always at any time create a new station without any problem. If you're listening to country and you decide you are in an Elvis mood..go for it! That's a fun choice by the way! Or if you want Van Halen type stuff , Frank Sinatra, or just really...anything, it will do whatever you want! It's like having an ipod or a super great mixed tape or something! I LOVE it!!! It's my new favorite thing!!!
~So, I love to cook! I'm not a huge baker! That was always my big sister Dana's forte. She always enjoyed making cookies and other yummy stuff and I enjoyed eating them so it worked out really well for me. Then later my little sisters Stephanie and Katie would bake cookies a lot and once again it was just a super great deal for me. Also my mom is such an amazing cook and baker and everything she makes is absolutely delicious so I, in some way or another had plenty of great treats without actually making them on my own. One time in high school I tried making my own brownies from scratch and forgot to put FLOUR in them. NOT GOOD!!! Then I married Brian and he is a wonderful cook as well and a great baker too! The poor man ate the meals I made for him when we were first married! He deserves some kind of great prize for that I tell ya! People would always ask at his family gatherings and especially at my family gatherings if I made what we brought or if Brian did. They wanted fair warning and I can't blame them! He makes my mom's rolls so well that his own family has asked him on many occasions to bring the rolls for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or what ever gathering rolls would be good at. He makes delicious bread and all sorts of yummy treats. Once again...why bother baking when it is done so well for you?! Well, now that Brian has been working and is not a student anymore and life is busier and crazier he doesn't really have time for baking treats or making dinner very much so I have had to step up to the plate. I actually cook pretty well and I enjoy cooking meals and finding new yummy, easy, fast recipes to make. I have learned some very important things over the years. #1 rule: Turns out 'high' isn't always the best temperature to cook stuff on. #2 rule: To be a good cook you must have PATIENCE!!! I was not born with this virtue for sure!! But it's true...if you cook some things longer they actually taste better! I want my food FAST so it has taken me a long time to get used to this but I must say I think I'm pretty good at it now! I have even started baking the last few years a lot more than ever before. One reason is that since Matthew is deathly allergic to all nuts I read labels....a lot!!! Have you ever taken the time to really read labels on your food? It's a little scary what they are putting in our food to preserve it! So between wanting to not hurt my son and wanting to control the ingredients I put in my families bodies I have baked a lot more goodies the last few years. I'm ok at it. I still don't make breads or rolls. Oh, Rhodes bread and rolls...SURE! Although occasionally I will make my sister-in-law Stephanie's delicious bread sticks. They are so easy I can even make them. They only take like 45 minutes start to finish. There's no kneading required!!!! You just mix the ingredients, let it set for 20 minutes and bake them for 20 minutes and that's it. If you start them when you start dinner they are done when dinner is done. Very versatile recipe too. You can make them as rolls or bread sticks. You can make them all Italianed up or just buttery or for a really super yummy treat slather them in butter and put a layer of brown sugar over that and then sprinkle withe cinnamon before you bake them. Put your favorite cinnamon roll glaze or frosting over them and you have cinnamon rollish deliciousness. I think I'll post the recipe on my recipe blog. (top right corner if you want it) Anyhoo, one super great thing that has been happening lately is that my 10 year old LOVES to cook! I won't let him mess with the stove much but I totally let him make stuff to bake. Brian or I just do the oven part. His specialty is brownies. MY FAVORITE!!! How lucky am I?!
~By the way...dark hunter green carpet totally bites!!! It is all over the basement we are living in and holy cow is it hard to keep clean. And the really short nap of it makes it even more difficult to vacuum. I used to think wood chips were so NOT cool!! I mean I would find them EVERYWHERE!! It was like my son would come home from school with them stuffed in his pockets and sprinkle them at random all around the house. Well, I had NO IDEA what I was talking about!!! Wood chips are downright DREAMY compared to SAND!!!!!!! My kids attend a school with sand instead of wood chips and HOLY COW!!! I can't get the junk to vacuum up off of this carpet to save my life! I even tried Brian's mom's Elecrolux and it didn't do any better than my $38 special!
~I've been trying to be all positive and think of all my blessings this month and have been writing what I'm thankful for on facebook and on my blog. I am SO grateful for my blessings but sometimes a girl just has to ramble a little!! Today, I am grateful that I can ramble and you'll read my ramblings!!! Thank YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I put more cute Gracie pics on my other blog today.

I am thankful that.......

it's 8:00 p.m. and time for my kids to go to bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been one of those days for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am thankful for.....AMAZING WOMEN!!!!!
Let me tell you about a few of them.

My sister-in-law Jenise: She is truly amazing! She is one of the nicest people you will ever meet in your life. When her 2 children were little her husband and I believe 2 of his brothers passed away in an accident on a farm in Kansas. She has done a wonderful job of raising her children!!! She met and married my brother, Rob, several years ago and they are very happy together. She ADORES her children and they ADORE her right back! Rob loves her children like they are his own! David is her youngest at 23 years old and he is a great kid! He was in a very serious car accident in February of this year. The accident has left him paralyzed. He is working very hard to regain his strength and his ability to walk again. He is a strong man! His accident happened in Texas and his parents live in Kansas. It was something like 12 long hours before they even knew that it had happened. SO scary! Jenise has been through so much this year watching her son go through all he has. She is strong and faithful. I know it's been so hard for her! I wish we could make it all better for them!!! She is her children's biggest cheerleader! David, Erin, and Rob's Tyler are so lucky to have her! She is a wonderful example to all of us and I am so glad my brother was lucky enough to find her! Her daughter Erin made her a grandma this year! Sweet little Noah was born in July and I'm sure has brought much joy to their lives! Isn't it wonderful how even when you are facing the most difficult challenges a precious baby can make you smile, laugh, and be happy!!! What a precious gift!!!

My cousin John's wife, Renee: Renee has 5 beautiful children. 2 of these children are twins. An adorable little boy named Parker and a beautiful little girl named Penelope. In February, Parker who was 8 months old at the time came down with bacterial meningitis in his brain. Renee and John went through pure hell over and over watching their tiny son struggle to survive this awful illness. He made it through. He has some permanent things he'll deal with like his loss of hearing. Some things will take time to heal or recover from. I have read their blog that talks about the different challenges and things that they have faced and over come and still face. These are amazing people! As I read a recent post that Renee made I shed many tears as she opened up about many of the emotions she has had over the months since Parker's challenge began. She is an amazing woman! She is an inspiration to everyone! As she struggles to find joy in her trial and be strong through it she strengthens everyone around her. I wish I could find a way to be a strength to them but instead they are strengthening me. My testimony, my faith, my attitude is all strengthened by them. Parker, John, and their sweet little girls are lucky to have such a wonderful woman in their lives! Once again I wish we could make it all better for them! Such a sweet mother! Such an amazing woman!!!

My friend Sarah: Sarah has 4 children and is an amazing woman! She is the best mom! It's so fun to be around her! We laugh until we cry when we are together! She Is funny, and so great with her children! Her husband, Jared's brother passed away this summer. His brother's wife had just passed away in December of the year before. This left their 4 children without either parent. Sarah and Jared didn't even blink! They took these 4 children in and added them to their family and are doing a great job of it! I can't think of a better family for them to go to. They will give them love and care and that is the most important thing they can have! What an amazing woman! I know it hasn't always been the easiest thing and I'm sure it's pretty crazy some times but I also know that Sarah wouldn't have it any other way! She is such an inspiration and example to me and I am so glad to call her friend!

My friend Melissa: Melissa is a single mother of the cutest little girl named Jessica. They were our neighbors for a while. I feel like Heavenly Father helped us find each other when we really needed a friend. Melissa is a very strong, talented, beautiful, amazing woman. She was in an abusive marriage and she had the strength to leave. THAT is amazing!!! I know that it wasn't easy for the abuse she suffered was mental abuse. It may not leave scars to the naked eye but they are there. I know it hasn't been easy but I know it is worth it! She is a beautiful woman inside and out and she didn't allow that to be taken away. She is a daughter of God and she deserves to be treated as such and I am proud of her for being strong enough to leave a bad situation! I am so glad to know her!!!

I could go on and on because I know so many inspirational women! My mother, my sisters, my sister in laws, my cousins, my friends, my mother in law...I am lucky to know them and to be able to learn from all of them and to gain strength from their examples. The particular women I have chosen are women who have faced especially difficult challenges this year and are doing their best to rise above them! You never know who is watching you and learning from you! Every woman effects every other woman around them and I am grateful to know so many wonderful women!!!!

I am thankful for.....

millions of dollars.
My hundreds of pairs of shoes.
The ability to buy anything I want whenever I want.
My 7 bedroom house with the huge, gorgeous kitchen.
My gigantic family room where we can have the best parties and family gatherings.
My huge, super fun property that allows the kids to run free and explore.
My daughters beautiful wardrobe!
My son's adorable clothes and totally awesome toys.
Our 4 wheelers.
Brian's motorcycle.
Our camp trailer.
Our ability to jet set around the world to Disneyland, Disney World, Italy, France, Germany, Australia, New York City...........
The wardrobes we buy for all of our friends and family who need them.
The Christmas' we are able to provide for everyone we know who can't really afford it.
The hundreds of people we are able to help on those little Angel Trees at Christmas time.
Brian's studly truck he's always dreamed of having.
My Jeep Wrangler I've always dreamed of having.
I'm thankful for my dreams since that is where we actually are able to do all of this stuff!!! Maybe some day we'll be able to do some of those things but for now I guess we will just be grateful for the things we do have! I know we are even better off than a lot of people and we are truly grateful for that! We always want more than we have but when we lose what we have we realize we really are blessed and it can always be worse!!!

I am thankful for....

~Doritos
~Dr. Pepper
~Cherry Coke
~Snow
~My children
~Brian
~To be able to look in the little girl's section at the store without hearing grumbles from Brian about how we don't have one of those so we can't look.
~Brian's job
~My parents
~My sisters
~My brothers
~Brian's family
~My friends
~Mixed Nuts the movie! LOVE it!!!!
~The Food Network
~The way my little boys smell like puppies after they play outside.
~The way Gracie smells after a bath and a slathering of baby lotion.
~The smell of bread dough rising and baking. (I don't actually know that from experience with baking it myself just from letting the Rhode's Rolls rise and thaw)
~The way the bathroom smells when I go in there after Brian has showered and gone to work. It's fun to smell his aftershave and body wash in the air.
~The way my neice Haley adores my little Gracie! Gracie loves her right back! It's the sweetest thing!
~How nice it is to have the internet again.
~Dots and popcorn at the movie theater.
~Thanksgiving dinner
~Christmas time!!!!!!!!!!!!!



BTW: I added some pics on my Word from the zoo blog if y'all are interested. If you want to be invited to that blog let me know and I'll send you an invite!

Today I'm thankful for....

the sweetest, cutest baby in the whole world! I'm not just saying that because I'm her mother! It's pure truth!!! If you don't believe me just ask her dad or her brothers!! They'll tell you the same thing! Here are a couple of my favorite pictures of her. She's 5 months old now and has changed so much. I just can't believe how time flies!

Just recycle it?

So my friend posted about her love of Christmas and it got me in the spirit and I started wondering what my old posts were like on my private blog last year. I checked them out and I liked them so much I was thinking of just recycling them this year instead of trying to think of new ones for this year. My favorite is the flashback of the nightmare experience I had trying to take a decent picture of my little boys for our Christmas card one year. Oy vey!!! Anyhoo, maybe I'll just go green for Christmas this year.....

I am thankful for.....

being able to hang out with my mom yesterday. Max, Gracie, and I drove up there yesterday to spend some time with her and it was a great day! Bonus: I scored warm, winter coats for Max and Matty for $25.00 at Penneys. Love a great deal! I'm so relieved to not have to worry about Matty freezing at the bus stop! :)



Max's coat:

Matthew's coat:

I've got the time change blues!!!

WARNING: This was written during the 5 a.m. hour so it may not be interesting or coherent! Good luck!

~I used to wake up at 5:30 a.m. For a while Gracie was waking up for a bottle at that time and then going right back to sleep until between 8 and 9. She would have been asleep since between 8 and 10 the night before so I was cool with getting up at 5:30 to feed her. Well, my body has a stupid natural alarm and after I repeatedly wake up at a certain time more than like 4 times my body just automatically adopts this new time to wake up. It sucked because I would fall asleep occasionally (usually I just never fell back to sleep) and wake up at 6:30 when the alarm went off so I could get the kids ready for the bus by 7:30. Well, ever since the lovely time change I wake up at 4:30. 4:30!!! I am not nice unless I get plenty of sleep and this is not my idea of plenty of sleep! Once I wake up I can't fall back to sleep because my mind thinks of all the things I need to do and stuff. RRRRGGGG!!!
~LOVE the Ped Egg!! You know that little thing they advertise to scrape the skin off of your feet. A friend on facebook posted about how much she likes it so I decided to test it out. When your husband refers to your feet as "hooves" you know you have a problem!!! It works wonders! It's super great and if you have "hooves" too, I highly recommend you try it!!!
~Not a big fan of spider rings and fake spiders in general because of my hatred of spiders. I have to say that living in a basement with really dark green carpet that's almost black where TONS of spiders live makes me dislike them even more!!!! YUCK!!! I don't get why boys like them so much either! NASTY!!!
~Max is so stinking cute! He LOVES preschool! He is at that funny stage that all my boys have gone through where they make up their own truth. They have crazy imaginations and just say the most hilarious things at this stage. I just pray that people don't believe what they say because who knows what they'd think was going on at our house! One day he told me that his teacher made him a birthday cake that day at school. One day I wanted him to wear these red work out pant kind of things that are way cute with navy blue and white stripes down the side of the leg. He tells me his teacher says he can't wear those pants to preschool. He HATES wearing coats in the winter so the other day he told me that his teacher says he doesn't have to wear a coat. The other day we were at his dad's office (he has been going to work an hour early and working through lunch to make up for time he missed when he had the swine flu and we've been taking lunch to him) and it was time to take him to preschool. I said, "Oh, Maxers we forgot to comb your hair today." He said, "That's ok my teacher says we don't have to comb our hair." He's just silly! I was reading some old posts the other day on my other blog and laughed again when I read about him telling me when I made tuna casserole or tuna surprise as Brian calls it that, "the tuna people told me that I can't eat tuna in my macaroni." Cracked me up!
~I keep reminding myself that it's ok that everyone drives like 5 miles an hour here because it's a small town and I'll probably still make it to my destination on time since it's not that far anyway. It helps me not want to pull my hair out every time I drive down the road. Remember we moved from a town that was in a county where we drove on the crazy interstate all the time and in busy towns and my car just doesn't know how to drive 5 miles an hour!!!
~We start watching Christmas movies at our house at the beginning of November. This year I HAD to watch Mixed Nuts in October. It makes me laugh! Such a bizarrely funny show! I'm curious if that Jim Carrey's Christmas Carol is good and if it's ok to take my boys to. Please let me know what you think if you see it!
~Well, I suppose I've rambled enough! I think I'll go tend my farm. It's SO much fun! I used to love to farm on facebook and then I decided it just took WAY too much time! I haven't farmed in months. I decided to try it again now that we have internet again and I used to enjoy farming while feeding bottles to Gracie and WOW they've changed it! It's super fast and easy and you get awesome tractors and stuff. Since people aren't blogging so much anymore I get bored and I was even thinking the other day that I wished it took a little longer on my farm because I didn't have anything else to do. Well, that's when I decided to finally cash in on all my Farkle chips people have been sending me and now I have a new addiction!!! My goal is to kick Brian's trash!!! Since Gracie sleeps so many hours during the night she eats every 2 hours during the day! That's a lot of farming I get to do!

I Am Thankful For.....

Today I am thankful for healthy children. This last year has been really tough on some of our family members. My nephew, David, was in a serious car accident in February and was paralyzed. He is making slow progress and has been blessed in many ways but he is facing a very difficult battle. My cousin's little baby boy, Parker, had bacterial menengitis in his brain in February also. He is improving and has been blessed in many ways as well but again the battle is slow and difficult. Both Parker and David have had many ups and downs these past few months. Their parents and they have suffered so much in every way and it's been really hard to know that they are suffering and there isn't anything we can do to help but to pray. Another of my cousins was just diagnosed with a brain tumor. They say it isn't cancerous but it is difficult to get to the tumor to remove it and his inner ear will have to be removed to do so. He is a husband and father and it's just scary! His surgery is tomorrow and we are praying he will be ok. After having the kids just have swine flu and worrying about their health because of everything you hear about it on the news and everything it makes you stop and think. I'm so grateful to have a healthy family. I think we tend to take that blessing for granted until we don't have it and then we realize how blessed we really, truly were. I am so grateful that I am healthy, that my husband is healthy, that my children are healthy!!! Truly a wonderful blessing!!!

I am thankful for........

It was strangely easy for me to think of my many blessings a few months ago when Brian was out of work. It was definitely a trial but we were truly blessed and it was nice to be constantly reminded of just how blessed. Moving from our old WONDERFUL place has been really hard! On all of us! We're slowly making the adjustments but some are coming along slower than others. I was really depressed for a few days and just couldn't get out of it and then I read a friends blog where she was talking about her blessings and it made me think that I should really start focusing more on the good in my life than on what I don't have. I LOVE blogging for that! As I say, one blogger's post can be another blogger's "lesson of the day". Well, I was thinking about it and last year I did kind of a thankful journal on my other blog during the month of November. I'm doing it again and this will be my first post. Some will be sappy, some will be silly.

I am thankful for....the most beautiful November EVER!!! Can you believe how wonderful it's been? I seriously can't remember the last time we had a Fall. It seems it always goes from being super hot to being super cold with no real 'in between'. I couldn't ask for a more beautiful Fall than this years! Every day the weather is PERFECT!!! We're a week into November and I'm still wearing short sleeves. How great is that?!!! LOVE it!!!
~I am thankful Brian and I were able to go on a date last night too! Thank goodness for my mother in law and Brian's brother Chris who watched my kids! Chris even walked with my spoiled little baby Gracie for like an hour because every time he sat down she cried. We are stuck together like glue, my little Gracie and I. I've never had a baby that was THAT attached. I am LOVING it! Unless of course I need to actually get something done and she won't let me put her down and then that's a real problem but other than that it's enjoyable! She is already scooting around on the floor and I have to make sure all the Lego's are put up because she finds them so I keep thinking this precious time of having her want me and only me all day long is so fleeting and I want to enjoy it instead of thinking it's a pain. Pretty soon she'll be walking and busy and I'll only be able to hold really hold her when she's sleeping. Matthew and Zack were quite attached to me too but Gracie is like nothing I've experienced. It's pretty great to be so loved I must say! I hope I never forget the way she looks at me. The way she lights up when I walk in the room. The look of utter adoration she gives me. Oh how I love her! There is truly no greater gift on this earth than to love and be loved by my precious children! It was really hard for me to leave her. We even took her with us to dinner then dropped her off for the movie. I am so glad that Chris took such great care of her! I can't tell you the last time Brian and I went on a date. And completely alone for part of it! WOW!!! That's simply unheard of! It was great! We had Sticky Finger Salads at Wingers...our favorite!! Crave 'em! Love 'em! Especially with extra ranch! MMMMM...MMMMM....GOOOOOD!!! Then we watched Couple's Retreat. We laughed a lot! It was really fun spending time alone with my sweetie. We needed it and we really need to do it more often!

I'm a SPAZ!!! What can I say?!

Last night I sat up in bed and shouted, "Who played the mother of Karen Irvine?" My mother's name is Karen Irvine. How silly is that?! I have been known to scream in my sleep and I've sworn in my sleep more than once, but I just wonder what the heck I was dreaming to provoke such a response. Of course I woke up my sweet little sleeping princess and had to feed her a bottle to calm her down. Brian said,"To answer your question, Hazel Depperschmidt played the mother of Karen Irvine." I'm sure he was annoyed by my outburst but probably more than just a little relieved to not be awakened by a blood curdling scream!! This has happened more than once, unfortunately. One time was especially embarrassing. Not very long after we were married we visited his mom and were sleeping in a room her old house that was pitch black. Not a single window. I started screaming and his brother Michael threw open the door and flipped on the light and looked at us like "what the h*$%" and Brian just said,"It's ok, she does this a lot." He just looked at us like we were nuts and went back to bed. I still haven't lived that one down. Another humiliating time was when we were living in this town we live in now in a house that was split right down the middle into two apartments. The mother of a friend of mine from high school named Andrew lived in the other apartment. There was a shared unfinished basement for storage and an enclosed back porch where we shared a large laundry room. Well, one night we watched Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom right before bed. I was dreaming that I was the lady in a chase scene in a market place and that I was just about to be caught. I started screaming! Brian put his arm around my waist to try to calm me down and said it was ok. I thought he was a bad guy catching me and I screamed even louder!! (My throat hurt so bad I was afraid I had permanently damaged it or something) Poor Andrew had been sleeping on a cot in the basement that night and thought I was being murdered or something and ran up the stairs and sat on the top stair until he was sure I wasn't dead and then ran back downstairs. I was MORTIFIED!!! Another night I swore like a sailor. I admit to struggling to control my language. I say the 'S' word, the 'D' word, and the 'H' word a lot. I try to be better at controlling it with the kids around but if I'm extra stressed or tired I have a much harder time. I used to say SOB a lot! Now I say son of a FREAK!!! I don't know why but that keeps me from saying the 'B' word so whatever. Of course I still think it and I would really like to be able to control my thoughts because if I swore out loud nearly as much as I swear in my head it would definitely not be pretty! For about the last year or 2 I find myself wanting to say JA a lot!!! I mean A LOT!!! I started saying JA instead of actually saying the words so that my 3 year old won't repeat it but people just make fun of me. I do NOT however say the 'F' word!!!!!!! But one night I sat up in bed and yelled out F-You (only I actually said the word) I mean, thank you! What?! What a goof! I often sit up in bed and just yell out the 'S' word or other swear words like I'm frightened or something. Brian has affectionately referred to my outbursts as my turrets ever since because he heard once that some people with turrets randomly yell out swear words. :P Between my craziness in my sleep and Brian's snoring, it's a miracle we ever get any sleep! Maybe that whole don't sleep together before you're married thing is overrated. Jk

Check out my Word From The Zoo blog for some Halloween pics!! I FINALLY updated!

Don't you just love it?!

The only thing that's more rewarding in my life than doing oodles and oodles of laundry...every...single...day...is having to re-do all of the laundry!!! 2 weeks ago I washed a green crayon with white clothes that ruined several pairs of my quite expensive underwear that is made with weird but nice fabric that holds onto green crayon for dear life! Then, because that wasn't enough fun, a few days later, I washed a tube of chapstick that my 9 year old left in his pocket and stained several pieces of clothing. I still need to get that out! Any suggestions? Last night I decided my life is just way too dull and I just needed something else to do, so I washed a piece of bubble gum with a load of our dark clothes. Brian was nice enough to get it out of the dryer with a magic eraser. Now, I guess I'm going to have to break down and get that AND the chapstick out of all our clothes. I'm so excited! I just can't wait! I can't think of one other thing in the whole entire world that I would rather do than this fabulous task!!! So super excited!!! :(

I charged my camera battery and took some pics of the yummy caramel apples I made. My friend, Tara, makes this fabulous caramel for the apples and dips them in white chocolate and sprinkles them with cinnamon. They are to die for!!! I made them last year and they were delicious! This year I decided to mix them up a little. I used her same caramel recipe and dipped them in the caramel, then milk chocolate, and then rolled them in broken up Heath bars. Oh, man!!! Good stuff! Thankfully I had lots of family around to help me eat them so I don't weigh 500 lbs.

It's been so long...so very long....

Brian finally hooked up our computer and internet so I can finally get fully back into my favorite activity in the world...BLOGGING!!!! I can put pictures on again and everything! HOORAY! (Can't get any to post right now of course but I'll try again later) Now if I can just remember to keep the battery charged so I can take pictures we'll be in business. I didn't get any pictures of my kids together on Halloween. I have a few random ones on my cell phone that weren't from Halloween day and I didn't get a single picture of my oldest in his super cool Dead Slasher Rocker Dude costume. And noone got a picture of me in my vampiress costume. Oh well. We had fun anyway! Friday night we went to a "trunker treat" at Brian's brother's church building that had 2 wards at the party and our Max won the "cutest costume" award!! So fun! I have to say he was quite cute! Our family is back to health. Gracie's congestion has improved quite a bit and she was back to sleeping through the night again last night which was SO nice! Brian still coughs occasionally and Max too but for the most part they are back to normal! Thanks for all the prayers! I know they helped!!! After a crazy 2 weeks of very little sleep for mom who was up medicating everyone, sucking out noses with nose suckers, feeding bottles, and worrying..a lot I was quite exhausted!!! Brian agreed to get up with Gracie Friday night so I could have a decent nights sleep and it was WONDERFUL!!! I have to admit I have had it pretty easy in the getting up with babies department. Brian fed Zack his nighttime bottles....every 2 hours...until he was 14 months old! AND he worked construction! He also fed Matthew his nightly bottles but luckily he stopped needing one after about 5 months and Brian was in school and didn't work a physically tasking job like construction anymore. With Max we took turns every other night for months and then I opted out of that whole thing and he took over every night. He told me that with Gracie I was on my own. He was DONE!!! Lucky for me she has slept through the night since like her third night home except for the occasional need for a bottle and this last week her stuffy nose woke her up a lot and she needed bottles then but other than that I sleep. Let me explain myself a little and then you can fairly judge me and I won't mind a bit what your judgement is!!! With Zack I had post partum depression, which I didn't understand but I did know that if I didn't have sleep I couldn't deal very well and if I had sleep I could be patient and kind and loving and things were good. No sleep, no patience, lots of crying for me and feeling inadequate and like a horrible person in every way and a horrible mom after pleading with the Lord for a baby for 6 years. All I know is I was much happier because Brian fed bottles and let me sleep and I will be eternally grateful to him for that!!! With Matty and Max I just couldn't go back to sleep once I was up and I was in school too with Matthew and unlike Brian who could study during the day I had to study until like midnight every night because I still had to do EVERYTHING else that was required to run the house and take care of the kids. Brian on the other hand can feed a bottle and fall immediately back to sleep. I would be up for HOURS just laying there thinking of all the millions of things I needed to do the next day. No matter how tired I was I couldn't fall back to sleep. Same now! These last 2 weeks I slept MAYBE 3 hours a night if I was lucky because I just couldn't fall back to sleep after giving medicine and feeding bottles and stuff. I know I'm a whiner and so pathetic but isn't my husband THE BEST HUSBAND EVER for doing that!!! And I have to say the kids all ADORE him and I like to think that some of their closeness comes from those "bonding times" when he fed them at night! ;)

Does anyone know which movie I got that quote from that I used for the opening title of this post? I just love movie trivia!

THE meanest mom that EVER lived on the face of the WHOLE earth......

That would be me!!! Max (age 3) thinks so. For many, many, reasons. Some of these reasons: I won't let him carry drinks all over the house and spill them everywhere. When I let him pick what he wants for lunch or breakfast (I let them pick if I'm in the mood for that since they HAVE to eat whatever I put in front of them at dinner time and usually they want something different than what I want and Matthew is allergic to some things that Max can eat) and then he sees something someone else has and thinks that looks better I won't make that for him too and that is very, very mean!!! I won't let him run all over WalMart like a crazy boy. I make him pick up stuff he knocks off of the shelves. I used to stock shelves at Albertson's and I find that to be very annoying and so rude!!! I make him wash his hands with sanitizer when he touches every inch of the counter and bench in the pharmacy every time we ever go in that area. Germaphobe mommy doesn't go for that!!! I won't let him throw balls in the house. I could go on and on. Well, his latest reason for thinking I'm the meanest mom is that I make him get dressed. Yes, I know. I make you want to call DCFS right?! He would go naked all day every day of the year if I would let him. I let him get by with wearing less during the summer for sure because it's warm and stuff but when it's winter I just can't take it! Last winter he wanted to wear shorts every single day. With snow boots of course. And a short sleeve shirt but NO COAT!!! I fought with him every single time we left the house about wearing his coat! UGHH!!! I NEVER let him wear the shorts and boots out of the house but he wore them constantly at home. This year I packed up all of his shorts to save the fight. Well, now he refuses to get dressed at all. If I can convince him to wear clothes it isn't very long before he starts his slow strip. Each time I see him he has one less item of clothing on until he's right back to nothing but underwear...if we're lucky!! I've been really trying to put my foot down the past few days because hello, THE KID HAS SWINE FLU!!!! I keep telling him he's never going to get better if his body can't stay warm because he's running around naked all the time. He even took a super long nap the other day because I told him to get clothes on or go to bed and he chose the latter and fell asleep for like 3 hours. Maybe I should just go with it and have naptime back in my life! That would be AWESOME!!! Anyhoo, we fought for like 10 minutes this morning while I forced clothes on him and told him that he gets a time out if he takes them off. He's probably buck naked already. He has refused to wear his coat to this point but it's stinking cold out today and I'm sure it's just going to stay that way from this point on until June! So, I'm bracing myself for the argument we'll have the next time he leaves the house. I'm just glad my kids ride the bus and Matty isn't in 4 days a week preschool this year. We absolutely without a doubt left the house at least 4 times a day last year not including errands. At least there won't be quite so many arguments!!! OY VEY!!!!

Swine flu update: Zack has been back to school this week. Matthew went to school today for the first time. Some Dr.s say they are fine to go back to school 24 hours after their fever stops but others say they should stay home for 1 week after first symptoms start. Well, I'm a little concerned about his asthma in this cold since it's already flared up but he's there and hopefully ok. Max is doing a bit better. He ran a fever all the way through yesterday but so far so good today. The wierd thing with this flu is they'll not have a fever for like 10 hours straight and then it's back. It lingers forever! Gracie is still really stuffy and has a runny nose but didn't have a fever during the night. Hopefully it's not back today. I'm so worried about RSV so hopefully she gets all better quick and doesn't have anymore problems. Brian has it too and is still really achy. It kind of turns into a cold at the end with a yucky nose and cough I've noticed with all of them. The fever seems to take about 4 to 6 days to really run it's course and finally leave for good so hopefully Gracie will be fine by Friday.

Sweet Baby Gracie

Gracie has a fever now too so I'm sure she has swine flu. I'm scared because she's so tiny and she's never been sick before and I just hope its mild like Max and Zack's have been!! Please pray for her because I'm a big chicken and I know that prayer is the very BEST medicine she could ever have!!

I discovered her fever at 3:00 a.m. and so far she has been ok. The ibuprofen and Tylenol have been keeping control of it. I hope it stays that way! With Zack, Matty, and Max their fevers were low grade and controllable the first day. Zack's and Max's stayed that way but Matty's spiked on day 2. The worst day seems to be day 2 or 3 for everyone whether the fever gets higher or not they just feel horrible!! So if the fever doesn't spike tomorrow or Tuesday I think she'll be ok. Brian is sick too. He thought he just had a cold and went to the football game an hour and a half away yesterday and was running a fever and feeling really bad by the time he got home. At least he had fun, huh?! I just hope he didn't spread it to anyone. It's hard to know at first if it's the flu or a cold if you are having a more mild version of it. Matty has been doing so well! I am so happy! He finished one of his steroids today and still takes Albuterol and Pulmacort. From what I understand he should be out of the "danger zone" by about Wednesday. Zack is totally back to normal with a very mild cough hanging on but otherwise good. Max is really good. His fever is only at around 99 degrees and he seems to be feeling a lot better. I'm so glad that they had the mild version of it! Such a relief! On the bright side...if you get it once you never get it again, or so they say, so we can hope that's true and we don't have to deal with "swine flu" again!!!!

We took him off of the Tamiflu. We're just praying he does ok without it!!! He had his last dose at dinner last night. Then we saw the news where we found out about Tamiflu. Other than acting INCREDIBLY strangely when he got his dose of albuterol this morning he's been fine so far. Apparently Tamiflu has strange reactions to interactions with other medication so once its out of his system we think he'll be fine! I just hope he doesn't get viral pneumonia!!! My 3 year old has the flu now but so far its more mild like our oldest sons bout with it. Baby and I are the only ones who haven't had it. I hope she doesn't get it! Too scary!!!

We've been giving our son Tamiflu and he's having crazy side effects which we now have learned are very common if you take this. Hallucinations, hives, they can have seizures, neurological stuff, and even death. I'm freaking out because he's having some of these. They say not everyone should even use this stuff. Just the ones with asthma and heart disease. I'm not sure he should even with the asthma. Scary!

Swine Flu + Asthma = 1 very sick little boy!!!

My 9 year old Huey came down with a low grade fever and a cough last Saturday. I wondered if it was the swine flu but then it was so mild I was not worried and thought it might just be a little cold or other virus. We just kept the fever down and he was fine. We know several people that have had it and they all had varied reactions and intensity to their flu. My little Dewey and I have asthma so I have been quite concerned each time I hear that someone has died from H1N1 because of other underlying conditions they had when they got the flu. Each time they have said what that condition was it was ASTHMA!!! One of the first people that died was near my age and had asthma and had just recently had a baby. Well, that describes me and has worried me. I do not want to leave Brian with 4 kids to raise alone and I'm certain he doesn't want me to! I have been especially worried about my little Dewey! When I heard the other day that the reason people with asthma have been dieing is because they contract VIRAL pneumonia I became quite concerned! Well, I don't like the idea of the vaccine because I feel it was too rushed and they don't know long term effects of it and stuff but I decided it was important for me and Dewey to be immunized since we have asthma. We went down there Monday and got our shots. Tuesday night he started having a low grade fever and coughing. Wednesday his fever was 102.3 and his cough was worse. During the night I was alternating Tylenol and Ibuprofen every 3 hours and it still wasn't controlling the fever. He was really wheezing and his breathing sounded terrible! I kept giving him puffs of my inhaler since we are out of medicine for his nebulizer and he didn't really have asthma problems much in the last 2 1/2 years. Well, I took him to the very weird but super nice and very concerned dr. in our new town. She gave him a breathing treatment with no improvement so she prescribed pulmicort, liquid albuterol, prednazone, and Tamaflu. Apparently they have found that if people with H1N1 start using Tamaflu in the first 48 hours of symptoms their reactions aren't nearly as bad as if they don't use it. He has been doing so much better! He isn't pale as a ghost! He stayed in bed yesterday and barely ate anything but today he has been up and playing, eating, fighting with his brothers and just doing really well. He obviously isn't 100 % and has a ways to go before he is over it completely but he is breathing and that is a VERY, VERY, GOOD THING!!! We are so grateful for the prayers of our family! We hope he continues to deal well with it! I just thought I would share so that if any of you or your children have asthma you know to seek help immediately if you think you might have the flu! It takes 4 weeks for the immunization to take effect so even if you have had the shot or mist you still aren't completely out of the woods for 4 weeks! She said that she thinks that the fact that he had the shot on Monday will help him not have as severe a reaction as if he didn't have it. Also, the main reason people die is they wait too long to seek treatment! We found out that 8 of the kids from Huey's class were also home sick on Monday. And the teacher was absent, not sure if he's sick or what. Anyway, I hope none of you or your children get it but if you do please be careful!!!

Dumbfounded!

My 3 year old "Louie" is such a handful!!! I couldn't begin to tell you all of the crazy things he has done in his little life! With his brothers Huey and Dewey I could tell what they were thinking just by looking at their faces. I could see what their next move was going to be and stop them before they could get into too much trouble. Most of the time anyway. Well, Louie is like nothing I've ever seen before in my entire life!!! Since we have lived with my mother in law since September 26th he has been at the top of his game! I am afraid she is going to get so tired of his destruction she'll kick us out! He broke a glass door on her book case that she has had for years and years, thankfully not cutting himself but gee thanks we could not have possibly thought of a better way to spend money than to pay to have this door fixed! He has clogged toilets, written on her garage floor with sidewalk chalk, written on her kitchen floor (that is now just concrete since the linoleum is now gone as they are prepping the floor for tile) with a black sharpie. He broke a plate one day. He put stuffed animals and metal lids in Dewey's fish tank he got for his birthday and killed all the fish. He started to poop in the backyard but was caught too soon THANK GOODNESS!!! I could go on and on and on!!! Well, tonight after dinner we were all in the family room visiting and watching t.v. when I heard an unidentifiable noise and asked Brian to investigate since I was feeding Buttercup a bottle and he was just "innocently"going to the bathroom. Not 5 minutes later it was discovered that he had removed one of the hinges off of a door frame with a screw driver (the one just above his eye level). YES!!! HE'S 3!!! WHAT......THE........CRAP!!! And people wonder why I'm CRAZY!!! I have to try to think like HE DOES all...day....long..............in vain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brian's mom jokingly asked if we have ever considered a cage. Then she said of course he'd probably just take all the hinges off and escape anyway! At least he makes us laugh too!!!

MOTHER BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once upon a time...I used to eat nuts all the time! I LOVE them!!! Reece's Peanut Butter Cups, peanut butter cookies, SCOTCHEROOS, Nutrageous, Snickers, m&m's, PEANUT m&m's, cashews, chicken pasta salad with a whole can of cashews thrown in and tastes so stinking good it isn't even funny, peanut butter and honey sandwiches, p.b.&j sandwiches (either of these on regular bread or toasted...YUM!), those cute little peanut butter cookies with the Hershey Kisses in the middle, I could go on and on and on!!! I LOVE nuts!!! My second son used to LOVE m&m's! One time when he had just turned one year old I decided to give him a Reece's Pieces and it LITERALLY flew out of his mouth across the room! I looked at him strangely and slowly put another into his mouth and it FLEW across the room, too! It was as if someone scooped their hand into his mouth and flung it out with their finger tips. It was a little freaky so I decided, ok, no Reece's Pieces for you! One day a few weeks later I gave him a peanut butter sandwich. He wouldn't eat it but only played with it. I was trying to shove a piece of it in his little mouth because sometimes if they just taste something they like it but his teeth were clenched like you wouldn't believe so I just gave in and decided to give him something else. After a few minutes I noticed that his whole body was covered in hives. I called the Dr.'s office because I immediately wondered if he was having an allergic reaction to the peanut butter. They said since he wasn't having a problem breathing to just stop by some time and have his blood tested for nut allergies. Brian gave him a bath and the hives went away. We should have also given him Benedryl but didn't know. Anyway, they tested him and sure enough he is allergic to peanuts. They said ONLY peanuts but not other nuts. Several months later Brian gave him a pistachio when I was picking up our oldest son from kindergarten. When I drove up he came running out to the car with my almost 2 year old baby in his arms covered in hives and doing this weird clearing his throat thing like my sister Stephanie does when she has an itchy throat and ears from allergies. We rushed him to the E.R. which thankfully was only like a mile from our house. They immediately rushed us back to a room. Only me and my baby because there could only be one other family member with him. The Dr. came in immediately and told me they would give him the epi pen and at least one other shot and a breathing treatment right away. I sat in that little room watching my rambuncious little perfectly healthy boy go from having a little problem to writhing around on the bed with a panicked look on his face as his throat swelled more and more closed. He was grabbing for me, sitting on my lap, going back to the bed, writhing around some more, grabbing for me again saying, mama and looking like 'aren't you going to help me?' It seemed like an ETERNITY before the nurse came in. When he started to be LETHARGIC I ran out and said HE NEEDS HIS SHOT!!! She ambled in and took her time getting his shot stuff ready and giving it to him chatting away as if I was there for a yearly flu shot or something. I was absolutely TERRIFIED!!! He had to have a medication for a week after. They said if we missed even a dose of it his reaction would be much much worse than the original reaction. It seemed like hours between the time he ate the nut to the time he got the shot, but it was only about 15 minutes. I thank my Heavenly Father every day that he was ok then and beg him to help us keep him safe every day! I firmly believe he has a little guardian angel that shot those Reece's Pieces across the room a few weeks earlier! We took him to an allergy specialist that did the scratch test and said that he is allergic to all nuts except almonds. Try finding almonds that aren't cooked in peanut oil or with other tree nuts. He's not allergic to the peanut oil it's the protein in them but I don't trust that peanut oils are refined enough. Apparently he is REALLY, REALLY allergic to cashews as well. The welt from the scratch test was huge and lasted for 3 days with him taking Zertec for it for the entire 3 days. The Dr. said, "don't EVER let this child have a cashew!!!" about 10 times while we were there so we're really careful about cashews too! Think of a peanut. Think of how yummy and salty and delicious they are! Now think of when a little peanut breaks in half and there is that little tiny piece of peanut right between the two halves at the end of it. Now imagine that if your baby had even that much of a peanut his throat would swell shut and he would die unless he is around someone at the time that knows he is allergic to peanuts and can give him an epi pen shot and rush him to the E.R. Ok now imagine that now he's 6 years old and in all day kindergarten and eating at school now. Every day the "other option" for picky kids is an Uncrustable PB&J sandwich. I talked with the lunch room lady and his teacher and they decided that every day he would sit on the end of a table and the lunch room teacher assigned for his class would make sure that no one ever sits by him that has a PB&J sandwich. Now imagine that 6 days this month they are serving peanut butter and honey cups with their rolls at lunch. I decided on those days I'll send home lunch for him so I can make sure there isn't any cross contamination or anything. I don't take chances! Not worth his life! Now imagine a lovely little student sitting next to him waves his peanut butter and honey cup in your sons face TRYING to hurt him KNOWING he is deathly allergic to peanut butter. What do you do about that?! Some mean kid was trying to hurt my sweet, little, quiet, shy, son!!! Thank goodness his lunch room teacher saw and put a stop to it and punished him when they got to class. The MOTHER BEAR is awake!!!!!! LOOK OUT!!! I didn't find this out from my son. I found this out from a concerned parent of another sweet little child that was so freaked out by that kid doing that that he talked to his mother about it. The only reason they have the peanut butter and honey cups is that the nutritionist for the school district has decided she can justify putting mac-n-cheese on the menu if she throws a little protein in the mix. She also believes that ketchup is a vegetable!!!! What the crap?! Anyhoo, they don't offer a peanut free table or anything. I am so freaked out! Now, I have heard so many people over the last 5 years act like it is such an inconvenience for them that my son is allergic to nuts. They act like it's just me saying please don't let my kid have mustard because it might stain his shirt or something. Now I know you have tons of stuff planned with mustard but don't let my kid anywhere near it because I don't like dealing with stains. It's not just some fluff thing it's literally LIFE OR DEATH!!! How would you feel if it was your kid?! Is a peanut or having peanut butter honey cups worth a child's life? I mean really!!! I know a boy that if he is in the same car or room with someone who opens a peanut candy bar he automatically starts going into anaphylactic shock. Putting that nut cup in his face could have killed him! My son has to either eat it or touch it to have a problem. I am just so freaked out! I don't know what to do! When he was 18 months old and started going to nursery at church the teacher told me maybe I shouldn't bring him because she didn't want that kind of responsibility and she liked making pb&j sandwiches for snack time and bringing Reece's Peanut Butter Cups for snacks. I for one thought it was more important for him to be there learning about Jesus than that the other kids get a freaking sandwich!!! So did the Primary President, thankfully! It was decided that I would make a very very long list of all the many things he CAN eat and they would stick to that list! Hello....ever heard of Goldfish crackers?! Since then I have read many articles and watched many news programs on the subject. I know that people who like their kids to eat peanut butter are just as adamant (for some weird reason) about their kids getting to eat peanut butter as I am about my kid NOT eating it! If that is the ONLY thing your kid will eat...you've got some REAL problems!!!! I have NEVER expected people to stop having nuts in their lives all together because of my son! I only say that at family functions I would appreciate it if people would just tell me if the dessert they make has it in it so I can keep him away from it. I did think it was wierd that less than a week after I sent the family letter out telling everyone about his allergy when he was almost 2 asking everyone just to let me know if nuts were in something they make, that at a family function there was a very, very large fruit bowl full of peanuts in the shell on the counter for everyone to eat. SCARY!!! Just leave a loaded gun on the coffee table why don't you?! I also find it weird when people bring peanut candy for all the kids to eat and touch my kid with peanut covered hands knowing it could kill him but I don't say a word, not one single word. I just try to warn him as best I can and pray a LOT!!! His teacher asked if the classroom needs to be peanut free since they use a lot of candy for counting and stuff? I said not necessarily. I said he can eat quite a lot of candy. I offered to bring a bag of different kinds of candy for him to have when the other kids have peanut candies. I bought skittles for him to use for counting when they use m&m's, etc. I am not a jerk about it I didn't expect her to buy it even. I am his parent. It is my responsibility to make sure he is safe and I obviously need her help and knowledge when he is at school but I try to not make it a huge pain in the butt since I know some mothers are jerks about it. I do, however, love my child with all of my heart and soul!!! What would you do and how would you feel if you had watched your son almost die in your arms from an exposure to nuts and you knew that it only takes 15 minutes for your son's throat to swell shut and like 20 minutes for him to take his last breath? It's not just a little annoyance....it's my son's LIFE!!! It feels like I'm letting him run and play in a busy street and crossing my fingers that no one speeds down the road and runs over him or something. It's just so scary to have to trust that total strangers will keep your son safe. If I didn't think I'd lose my mind I'd consider home school........
Needed to vent all of the thoughts and feelings I am having right now! Thanks for listening!!!

It's Just WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so, I'm old! I get it! I accept it! I just don't know what to do with this knowledge. I don't know what is age appropriate to wear. Or what is age appropriate for my hair. I still feel like I'm 19 on the inside. I'm 36 now and I see adorable stuff at the stores and I think oh that is SO cute!!! But am I too old for it?! I mean, I know I'm not 80 or anything but I'm just confused! I need a style. I need to be more hip and cool in a 36 year-old kind of way. I don't want people to think I'm like a total loser in my outfit that looks like a 19 year old has more business wearing it than I do. I also don't want people thinking, nice outfit, grandma!! I was at Target a few weeks ago and I was wearing a (what I thought was) cute t-shirt I bought a few months back at Old Navy. It was one of their $5 tees. Well, I'm feeling cutish in my little t-shirt when an 85 year old lady comes walking by with a grin from ear to ear, wearing MY shirt! I didn't know whether she was wrong or I was wrong or if we were both right. I just know that it felt terribly, terribly, WRONG!!! I miss my friend Melissa! She used to live next door to me. We lived in townhouse apartments and our doors were literally like a few inches from each other. She is adorable! She is also a hair stylist. I was always knocking on her door asking her if this was cute or that was cute or if I looked freaky! I ask Brian now and it just isn't the same. He'll tell me I look cute and then I see myself in a picture and I'm completely mortified!!! I don't know if he really thinks it's cute, doesn't have the heart to tell me I look like a freak a deak, or what but it's just not the same, that's for sure! I've been keeping my eyes peeled for a cute shirt lately and I have seen a few that I think are great but I don't have the confidence to just buy it. Maybe I should just get a new pair of shoes! I LOVE shoes!!! You can't really go too wrong with shoes and a new pair of shoes always makes me feel better!!!