Cuteness and goodbye...

~This morning I was sitting on the floor in the closet trying to organize shoes and clothes when Matthew and Max started getting ready for school. They were singing songs from the radio. They didn't get a lot of the words right and it cracked me up. I didn't correct them, I just smiled as they sang their little hearts out. I just love them so much!

~Last night we had the last family shindig before Nathan and Heidi headed back to Florida. We ate, visited, the guys watched the big game upstairs. The kids played together. Isabelle (Nate's oldest daughter who's 5 and in kindergarten) said to Steph and J.J. that they could come to Florida to visit them on Valentine's Day or Easter. Then she told Brian and I and our kids that we could come visit them for her birthday in June. She described the birthday cake she'll have and other fun details about the party she'll have. She is adorable and had a wonderful, dramatic, excitement, and imagination about her. It was so hard to look at her beautiful little face and her pretty little eyes and try to explain that we can't afford to go to Florida to see her. I'm so afraid she's totally expecting us to show up for her birthday and will just be so disappointed when we don't show up.

When Izzy was born they lived in Provo. They came to Mom's for Sunday every week. They shared holidays, birthdays, dance recitals, births, baby blessings. They moved about a year and a half ago. My mom has been broken hearted ever since about it and poor little Josh (Steph's 5 year-old son) has missed her so much. They were best pals since he was born when Izzy was 4 months old!

I'm not big on goodbyes! There are 6 of us kids in our family and now Rob, Dana, and Nathan all live in other states with their sweet families. We all miss them so much! When I think about it I just don't know how my mom handles it!

They left for the airport at 3:00am so we had to say goodbye last night. We said our goodbyes and headed downstairs before they said goodbye to my parents. I guess Izzy just sobbed and said that she didn't want to leave. :'(  Little Mikey is about a month older than my Gracie is. Tommy is about 14 months old. We'll miss them all so much! Gracie still didn't really know what was going on so she cried this morning when we told her they were gone.

It was fun to see what a cute little family they are. I love listening to my brothers talk to their kids. Heidi is such a good little mom!

Still here...

Life is hard isn't it! I have seen so much loss over the past few months and so much suffering happen to others and it has just been hard to watch people go through such hard times and not be able to do much to help them. In addition to loss of loved ones I've seen loss of jobs and other temporal losses.

Also, my sister, Dana's husband, who is in the Special Forces in the Army, is deployed right now. He missed Thanksgiving, Christmas, the birth of their second grandchild. My sister only has her little family to celebrate with as she doesn't live near any of us or her in-laws. I have felt so bad for her and her family. I feel bad for the families who's soldiers have lost their lives.

Words cannot express the feelings of sadness I have had for the people in Connecticut who lost loved ones or who have loved ones who survived it and will struggle with it the rest of their lives. It breaks my heart to think that there is such evil in our world. Truly horrific!

We had a wonderful Christmas. We are truly blessed in so many ways. My brother, Nathan, and his family are here and have been since the 18th. They live in Florida and it's been a year and a half since we've seen them. It's been wonderful having them here!

My sister Steph and her husband J.J. are part-owners of a cabin. This year they were able to stay in the cabin from December 26th to January 1st. They were nice enough to invite our family, my parents, KayTee and Chris, and Nathan and his family, to spend that time with them. It was so much fun! The kids and Brian rode snowmobiles and went sledding and played in the snow. I stayed inside the entire time as one of the main triggers for my Trigeminal Neuralgia is cold. Cold air. Cold food. Cold drinks. Cold. I read a book, relaxed, held Steph's darling 2 month-old son, Jacob. It was so nice! Matthew came down with a fever on Christmas Day and had some breathing issues so he had to stay inside the whole time. He did get to play outside for a little while one day when he was feeling a lot better but then he was back to square one again afterwards so we kept him inside the rest of the time. It's beautiful there!

Sometimes it's hard for my extremely sympathetic/empathetic heart to enjoy things to the fullest when I know of other people's trials and suffering. I know that "men are that they might have joy" but still! I just sincerely hope and pray that those who have cause to mourn are comforted and blessed in the ways that they are in need of. Sometimes it's hard to snap out of depression when it rears it's ugly head. I'm trying to overcome it and be joyful but it's hard. I have so very many blessings and I am trying to focus on that and to be what my family needs. And to be grateful for all that I have. I desperately want to help those around me who are in need of a lift. Can anyone suggest ways that I might be able to do that without making their suffering worse? I'm not very good at this! I so want to be though!

So, I know it's been a while since I've posted on here but I'm still here. Just haven't known what to say...

Lots of Gratitude

Well, it's been a while since I posted about what I'm thankful for.  The #1 thing I'm thankful for is that Brian doesn't have cancer!!!

That was so scary having to wait for 2 weeks to hear the results since they had to send the biopsy to California.

I'm also very grateful to be able to spend time with my Mom.  We haven't always lived where we were able to spend so much time together so it's nice to be able to now.

Another thing I'm thankful for is music.  I like how hearing a song can affect you so much.  It's my favorite part of church (besides partaking of the sacrament) (and when they choose to sing songs that I've actually ever heard of :)!).  It's one of my favorite parts of celebrating Christmas.  Songs make me laugh. They make me cry. They make me feel and learn and grow.  I always tell Brian that at my funeral I want everyone to sing A Poor Wayfaring Man Of Grief...ALL 7 verses! It's one of my favorites. I like to read it during the passing of the Sacrament.  I like to sing I Love To See The Temple when we see the temple.  I like to sing My Heavenly Father Loves Me as we drive around town looking at all of he beautiful Lilac trees, Apricot trees, and every other tree that has pretty little blossoms on it.  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE music!!!

I am SOOO incredibly thankful to be the mother of 4 beautiful children.  They are so AWESOME!!  They are smart, funny, fun to be around.  They remind me every day of what really matters in this world! Blessed doesn't even begin to express my feelings about them but I'll use it.  I am incredibly BLESSED!!! They are also a constant reminder to me that what I WANT isn't always what I really NEED and that Heavenly Father is the Captain of this ship so I need to just trust in Him and His plan for me!!!

Easter, Scary Stuff, Zackary, & Still looking...

~We had a lovely Easter weekend. We spent it in Spanish Fork with my family. The food was wonderful and we had nice visits. The kids were happy with their little Easter Baskets. They got to color eggs here and at their Aunt Stephanie's. They love spending time with her children Joshua and Emily. They are adorable! And on the way to my parent's house from Steph's, Gracie said, "I love J.J.!". So cute! And they also had a lot of fun hunting for candy filled eggs at my Mom's house.

~Steph, J.J., and his parent's, Lynn and De, are co-owners of 2 tanning salons. One of their salons was robbed last Thursday night, at gunpoint. And the guy was wearing a ski mask. Lynn and De were there when the robbery took place. The beds were full and the waiting room was, too. De snuck out the back door to go to another business to ask them to call 911. The police were there in 1 minute, but the guy had already gone. He only got a little cash and took cash from the customers. Anymore everyone uses debit cards so there is very little cash in a register and the employees don't have a key to the safe. Isn't that scary! And it was in a fairly small town. He went on to rob another tanning salon that night. A shot was fired there. I'm so happy that no one was hurt!

~I can't believe my little Zackary is going to be a Deacon. Time has just flown! I'm so proud of him! He's such a wonderful boy!

~Brian is still looking for a job. I'm still working for Hallmark. We're trying so hard to be positive and to count our blessings. I've had some really dark days, full of stress and worry. I asked Brian to give me a Priesthood Blessing and that has helped me tremendously! I am so grateful for the Priesthood. It's such a wonderful blessing isn't it!

Today I am thankful for Brian, Zackary, Matthew, Max, and Gracie, my family and wonderful friends, my doctor, medicine that makes my trigeminal neuralgia mostly under control, my church, the gospel of Jesus Christ, our prophet, President Monson, Joseph Smith, missionaries, the young women in our ward, answers to prayers, my little no stress job that helps us make ends meet better and that doesn't interfere with my little family (most of the time. It wouldn't ever but since Brian's home I've been leaving when he can watch the kids and poor Gracie has had it with that, so I'll have to start going at night again, which is totally fine), a house to live in, food to eat, cars to drive, clothes to wear, freedom, living in a free country is a beautiful thing, our military and their families who sacrifice so much and do so much for us so we can all be safe. Our old bishop is losing his fight with cancer. He is a very wonderful man and we all just love him and his wife so much! We are heart broken for them and their family. They have wonderful attitudes! They are wonderful examples to us of faith and strength!

I am so thankful for Thanksgiving so we can all take time to think of all of the blessings we have. Sure, life isn't perfect and we have our share of problems and challenges and stresses and worries but we are so blessed in so many ways! What a wonderful, positive holiday this is! I just love it that most of the people in our country are united in gratitude on this day special day. It's just neat!

A very....interesting baptism...etc.

Our sweet little Matthew was baptized Saturday. He has looked forward to being baptized ever since he saw Zack get baptized 3 years ago and has talked about it often. As his baptism date has drawn near he has talked about it even more. He had started talking about how excited he was to be baptized but how scared he was to actually be dunked under water. We've encouraged him and I told him that I was TERRIFIED to have my head under water when I was baptized, too. I told him that our Branch President even talked with me and told me that everything was going to be ok. My wonderful Grandma Irvine sent me a lovely letter of encouragement also. I just remember praying really hard that I wouldn't drown and being so thrilled that He actually answered my prayers and kept me from drowning. HAHA   I thought that might help him but it didn't. He got more and more nervous as the week progressed. Poor kid!

 Well, the big day came. There was a little girl from another ward named Jessica who also was being baptized. When the talks finished the Bishop who was conducting said that they would like to have Matthew baptized first and then Jessica. Well, Matthew freaked! He did NOT want to go first! I was rather embarrassed and explained that Matthew was very nervous about having his head dunked under the water and wondered if she could go first. That's when SHE freaked out TOO! Her mom said she was scared too. It was seriously the craziest thing we all had ever seen! They both were weeping and wailing and yes there was some gnashing of teeth! They both were baptized...eventually. LOL! Some of us joked that we wished we could take video of it so we could show it at Matthew's wedding reception. LOL! It was definitely crazy! Now he says that being baptized was so awesome that he wishes he could do it again and that he can't wait until he's 12 and can go to the temple and do baptisms.

Interestingly enough, though, the spirit was very strong. Especially when Brian confirmed him. I'm thankful that Zack & Matthew have been blessed with that companionship. I am grateful that Brian holds and honors his Priesthood. What a beautiful thing! We felt the spirit throughout the rest of the day. It was like we just felt we needed to be reverent. I had to run to the store for my prescription and I hated going because it felt like I was breaking the Sabbath or something.

The luncheon afterwards was nice. Yummy food and spending time with family. I love baptism days! They are just joyful! I am so grateful for the gospel. I am so grateful for the joy that fills our lives as we strive to live righteously. We are FAR FROM perfect but Heavenly Father blesses us for our efforts and I am truly grateful for Him and the blessings He gives us.

~Brian was told at the very end of last month that his job will be terminated in January. They just simply have enough people in Logan at USU that do the work that Brian does here that they are going to give them the work from USU-CEU and terminate that position here. We are so worried and Brian is hoping that he'll be able to find something. It was nice to have Matthew's baptism to bring some joy to our lives since we've been pretty stressed out. If you hear of any Accounting jobs in your area please feel free to let me know. :) tarafree26@hotmail.com

~So my friend Nikki who was doing my hair in exchange of me babysitting her 2 awesome kids, moved away a couple months ago. She did hair but she also worked part time for Hallmark at Walmart and Smiths here. My friend Tamra worked with her. Well once Nikki moved they put Tamra in charge and they needed to hire someone else to work with her and they hired me! It's very part time and very flexible, which is what I need! So I started yesterday. It was SO much fun! I am really excited about the whole thing! There were about 9 of us yesterday working on a whole redo of the cards and displays and such. It was really fun working with those ladies and learning lots of new things. And those of you who know of my love for stationary, cards, and wrapping paper, and organizing, sorting, and filing, know that this is right up my alley!!! I'm just thrilled with the opportunity!

~So Brian had church meetings all morning Sunday. He usually helps me tons on Sundays so I was worried about making it to church on time when we are always late to church when I HAVE his help so I figured I didn't stand a chance on my own. I was really trying to stay on top of things. When we got to church I scanned the congregation for Brian and couldn't see him anywhere. So I looked at the congregation and I realized that none of these people looked remotely familiar. So I looked at the Bishopric and THEY were different too! So I checked my watch and it was 10:00. We were an hour EARLY!! Yes, I'm crazy!   :~/

Matthew rockin' his 70's jumpsuit. He thought that big collar was totally groovy! :)

My hair looks like crap but I was there on time. :)



Matty with Grandma and Grandpa. Grandpa gave the best talk on Baptism. I cried like a baby when he talked about how 8 years ago we were all gathered together for Matthew's (and Jessica's family for her) baby blessing. The time is just slipping away...  :(



Matty with Steph, J.J., Josh, & Emily. He's looks kinda like a little ragamuffin. He started undressing and I told him he had to take pictures before he could change his clothes. So his shirt is cockeyed, and his pants are twisted. But his cute little Jack-o-lantern smile makes the rest not matter!!!  Grandma and Grandpa game him a suit and he was THRILLED to get to wear it for the first time on Sunday. He looked very handsome!!!

Matty with his cousins Jordan, Jeremy, and Marne. Jordan just came home from his mission a couple of months ago. We just love them!

Matty with Aunt KayTee. Uncle Chris had to work so he wasn't able to make it. We're so glad KayTee came!!!

FUN TIMES & DEFINITE BRUISAGE & I may have gotten a little carried away with all the pictures....

So, my family rented a cabin together in the Heber Mountains. My brother Robby, my sisters Stephanie and Katie, and me and all of our families were there. We did miss Dana and her family (they live in Colorado and her husband is in the Special Forces in the Army in Afghanistan) and Nathan and his family who just moved to Florida in July!
This cabin was so awesome! It had 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, a zip line, a game room, a movie room, a wrap around deck/porch, and a huge kitchen and eating area. It was beautiful & secluded.
Each morning we anxiously looked out the wall of windows in the living room in hopes of seeing some sort of creature. One morning Steph saw a mama bear and her cub. Two of the days we saw moose. Once there were two moose and once there was one big moose who walked right up to the fence that was made of a couple of cables, which lined the property. One day a fox walked up to the house while eating some little creature. We saw lots of deer.
Steph's husband J.J. brought up some 4-wheelers and a side by side. We had some very nice little rides and a couple of very exciting rides. On one of the exciting rides we were heading up a very steep, very rocky, trail. When we were to a point where there was about a 50-70 foot drop to the left of me, my 4-wheeler started struggling to make it up the hill since it was so steep. Well, it was a manual shift 4-wheeler and I was thinking, oh no I must be in 2nd gear instead of 1st gear so I shifted down. Turns out I WAS in 1st gear after all and shifted into neutral. Oh CRAP!!! So I shifted back up to 1st gear and floored it, which caused me to basically pop a wheelie. The thing stood straight up, threw me onto my elbow and my butt, while still straddling it, and started teetering over all the way. I saw it teetering and panicked! All I could think of was that when 4-wheelers land on top of people they often die! Brian and my Zacky were on the 4-wheeler directly behind me. I scrambled to get completely off of it, flipped over to my knees and crawled away as fast as I could. Thankfully, it didn't ever roll completely over. The rack stopped it. It scared the crap out of me, Brian, Zack and everyone with us. I feel very blessed that it just stopped! I have bruises and scrapes and I'm sore pretty much everywhere but it could have been so much worse!!!
On Tuesday afternoon, Brian and I, and all of my siblings (except Katie who was cooking dinner that night) and their spouses went on a kind of hairy, totally awesome, 2 hour ride! Katie's hubby, Chris rode with Robby's son Tyler. And oh my gosh, it was awesome! We rode to the top of a mountain with spectacular views. To the east we could see the Uintahs, Mount Timpanogas to the west, and gorgeous views to the north and south as well. It was really fun! It was nice to ride on the back of a 4-wheeler, snuggling Brian for 2 hours. We rarely have that kind of time away from our children. Our 18th anniversary was on Sunday so it was so nice to have such a great time together! It's funny though. You can tell how much older we all are now. Steph, Jenise, and I were so happy that there was a nice little outhouse in the middle of nowhere on the ride that had T.P. AND hand sanitizer! I kept saying to Brian that I am a mother of 4 and every time we went over a bump it felt like I was being punched in the bladder. I really wished I had been more diligent at doing my Kegel exercises. HAHA
The zip line was so much fun! The kids especially liked it! My Max and Steph's son Josh are little dare devils and just thought it was the coolest! My Dad even rode it once. My Mom and all of us adults were more than just a little bit worried about him riding it. Of course all of his grand kids thought he was a total rock star!!!
We had a blast! We all hated to see it end. Can you believe that there were 17 people there and we all got along perfectly! It was really great! We are supposed to do it again next year and we just can't wait!
Life is so expensive anymore that we don't ever spend enough time doing super fun things as a family so it was especially nice to just get away and have fun! I'm so glad that it wasn't a 'luxurious' cabin. It was nice, yet just rugged enough, and the PERFECT place to take kids! They knew they had to take care of the cabin but we didn't have to worry about them doing naughty stuff so much because they were constantly entertained by the zip line, the great outdoors, the game room, and the movie room. It was great! 

My sweet little Gracie climbing the stairs

 Gracie & Max getting ready for our ride.

 Zack, Gracie, Max, & Brian

 Matty rode with me on a 4-wheeler

 Look closely between the rear and front tire on the black car. The fox that came up to the house.

 Starting out on the ride where I crashed.

 I love how you can see the moon between the trees in this pic.

 This is the crazy path we took. It was NUTS!!!Especially since we had kids with us and the side by side that was too big to be on this path. It was pretty cool too just a bit scary! We were afraid a bear or something would jump out at us.   :)

 This is a nice pic of all of them

 This is when J.J. discovered there was a small branch from the bushes in Steph's hair...

 Brian on the 4-wheeler that I tried to roll. I was on with Zack after the incident. I should have gotten a picture of the crazy hill we climbed when that happened. It was Crazy!! 

 Rob and Tyler

 We were all so happy to have survived the ride that I just HAD to get a picture!

 The totally awesome moose...

 Grandpa getting ready to ride the zipline.

 There he is at the end where you fly upside down.

 All done

 Zack getting ready to ride

 The kids thinking Grandpa is the coolest!!!

 Kinda screwed up the sequence on these next few pics. In this pic Max is climbing the ladder to ride the zip line.

 Here he comes. You can barely see him.

 Max flew completely upside down at the end of the zip line

 Matty on the zip line

 My pretty little Gracie

 Cuter than cute Joshers

 Steph took the kids for a ride in the side by side

 Tyler, Chris, Rob, Jenise, Me, & Brian

Me & Brian

 J.J. & Stephanie

  Brian pointed out this heart shaped patch of snow.

 This part of the ride is VERY steep and scary to go up or down. All us girls bailed off and walked down...

 Chris and Tyler

 If you put sunscreen on right before a 2 hour 4-wheeler ride you might end up looking like this...