Lots of Gratitude

Well, it's been a while since I posted about what I'm thankful for.  The #1 thing I'm thankful for is that Brian doesn't have cancer!!!

That was so scary having to wait for 2 weeks to hear the results since they had to send the biopsy to California.

I'm also very grateful to be able to spend time with my Mom.  We haven't always lived where we were able to spend so much time together so it's nice to be able to now.

Another thing I'm thankful for is music.  I like how hearing a song can affect you so much.  It's my favorite part of church (besides partaking of the sacrament) (and when they choose to sing songs that I've actually ever heard of :)!).  It's one of my favorite parts of celebrating Christmas.  Songs make me laugh. They make me cry. They make me feel and learn and grow.  I always tell Brian that at my funeral I want everyone to sing A Poor Wayfaring Man Of Grief...ALL 7 verses! It's one of my favorites. I like to read it during the passing of the Sacrament.  I like to sing I Love To See The Temple when we see the temple.  I like to sing My Heavenly Father Loves Me as we drive around town looking at all of he beautiful Lilac trees, Apricot trees, and every other tree that has pretty little blossoms on it.  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE music!!!

I am SOOO incredibly thankful to be the mother of 4 beautiful children.  They are so AWESOME!!  They are smart, funny, fun to be around.  They remind me every day of what really matters in this world! Blessed doesn't even begin to express my feelings about them but I'll use it.  I am incredibly BLESSED!!! They are also a constant reminder to me that what I WANT isn't always what I really NEED and that Heavenly Father is the Captain of this ship so I need to just trust in Him and His plan for me!!!

Money, Money, Money, MOONNNEEEYYY, MONEY!

Today, I am thankful for money.  Now, I know that that sounds like I am the most "worldly" person on earth, but please read on and hear me out.  :)  I sure don't have much of it, but I am so incredibly thankful that we have enough for our needs.  It's so wonderful to not have to worry about how we're going to pay our bills and feed and clothe our children.  And we will be able to provide Christmas for our children.  We are able to buy the things that they need. 

I certainly don't think that money is the MOST important thing in the world and I don't think that it totally sucks that I'm not a millionaire.  (well, that would be really nice!)  But, one of the biggest lessons that I have taken from our financial struggles is that it doesn't matter whether you live in a dive or a mansion, whether you have a gazillion dollars or you live paycheck to paycheck, your happiness doesn't come from money.  Although, I do realize that having enough money to take care of every need and whimsy your heart desires can make you feel happy and blessed and it can stress the crap out of you if you don't have enough.  But, ultimately happiness, I mean pure JOY, comes from the peace and comfort that comes from our Father In Heaven, our Savior Jesus Christ, and the gift of The Holy Ghost.  As long as we know that they are on our side and that we are on their side, we can handle any challenge that is placed before us.  It might take us a minute to get our bearings, we might have a come apart, total breakdown, freak out fit, and lay on the bed in the fetal position and bawl our eyes out.  But when the tears dry up and the dust clears, we realize that as long as THEY are going to help us through it, we can handle it.  It will all be OK. 

My heart breaks when I hear of people losing their jobs and for those who have had to look for a job for a while without success.  It's a difficult challenge, that's for sure!  I know it can always be worse, but that still doesn't keep it from being difficult for us as we learn to accept His will in all things.  And, I just feel terrible for people in New York and New Jersey, and anywhere else that has people who have been displaced for whatever reason.  I can only imagine what they are going through.

I am grateful for what we have and will be for how ever long we are able to have it, and we'll try to find ways we can help others with it as much as we possibly can.  :)

Stop & Smell the Roses Once In A While, Already :)

Today, I am thankful for the beauties of the earth.  Hasn't Heavenly Father blessed us with the most amazing planet to enjoy.  I've always LOVED late fall/winter time until I had kids and then it was really hard to not be able to let 3 little, wild, and crazy boys outside to play.  Now they are ALL old enough to play outside in the snow and be just fine.  We just bundle them up like the little boy on A Christmas Story and they're good to go.  The best part, I get to still love late fall/winter!  I think I like it so much because this time of year just seems so magical, what with Thanksgiving and celebrating Christmas from the day after Thanksgiving all through til January 1st.  I love Christmas trees and decorations.  Going for rides to look at Christmas lights.  Hot cocoa.  Warm, snugly sweaters, and blankets.  Cute boots.  Nativity sets.  Christmas programs.  The Nutcracker.  Christmas dresses for my daughter and nice sweaters or sweater vests for my sons.  The music.  Who doesn't love Christmas music?!  The feeling of looking out the window and seeing a blanket of snow on everything.  There is something so peaceful about that. (As long as you don't have to drive in it.)  Icicles.  Making snowmen and snow angels.  Snow covered trees.  Seeing the lights on Temple Square.  Christmas movies.  And just think about a lot of the best movies ever, that are set at Christmas time because...hello, it's magical and so romantic.  For example...Serendipity, While You Were Sleeping, The Holiday... I could go on and on. 

Springtime is so incredibly beautiful!  I absolutely love seeing all of the pretty tulips, daffodils, and lilac trees in bloom.  The grass begins to turn green.  The trees begin to grow leaves again.  The world begins to have color and life again.  Isn't it fun to see all of the cute little lambs, colts, and calfs.  The air starts to warm up again a little bit so that we can pull out our light jackets, capri's and flip flops.

Summertime is so much fun!  I never was very thrilled about it before I had those 3 little boys I talked about earlier.  It is wonderful to be able to just let them be free and play outside without coats, boots, gloves.  I loved seeing my babies chubby little legs and arms when they started wearing shorts and short sleeves.  It's such a beautiful time of year, too.  We love to see waterfalls, rivers running, The Garden's at Thanksgiving Point.  Everything is colorful and lovely. 

And living in Utah is really fun when Fall comes along.  I had never seen such spectacularly colored leaves of trees as when we moved to Utah from Kansas.  I still remember how awe inspiring it was the first time we drove through Price/Spanish Fork Canyon in the Fall.  The mountains in Utah are just beautiful no matter what time of year it is, but I especially love it when they are full of beautiful fall leaves.  I just can't get enough of it!  And, seeing Temple Square this time of year is my new favorite!

There are so many gorgeous places in our state, our country, and all over the world that I would just LOVE to see some day.  This earth was not made by accident.  There was so much thought and science to it.  Heavenly Father and Jesus are so amazing!  The beauty of it is such an amazing gift to all of us!  Sometimes I think we just get so wrapped up and caught up in the stress and duties of daily life that we forget to look around us and savour the beautiful world we live in.

My body

Well, today I am grateful for my body.  I remember, after I had Zackary, thinking one day about just how amazing my body is.  And how divine our bodies are.  Anyone who has ever had a baby just marvels at the beauty of the creation of life.  It's still kind of mind boggling to me that we, together with our husbands :) and Heavenly Father, bring forth life.   I remember counting every toe and finger and hair on my kids and just marveling at their perfectness.  It truly is divine in nature!  This is the definition of Divine-Of, from, or like God or a god.  Synonyms: heavenly - godlike - celestial - supernal   No, I'm not saying I'm a god or anything I'm just saying that life is "of God".  We become partners with him in this beautiful journey.  I am so grateful that my body was finally able to carry, grow, and deliver babies.  My body was not working right in that area for lots of years and I wasn't able to breast feed my babies.  It made me so frustrated with my body.  Things may not always come easily with my body and it may not always do what I want it to, but still I am grateful for the beautiful gift of life that I have been given and that I have been blessed enough to give, as well.

I have not been very careful or nurturing to my body for quite a few years now.  I have had the desire to change my bad habits and improve my body but I just haven't had the drive to do it. 

About 4 or 5 years ago Brian bought Tony Horton's 10-Minute Trainer.  He's the P90X dude.  Well, basically he developed some workouts that only take 10 minutes to do.  It comes with a couple of DVDs with different workouts on them.  There are 5 workouts to choose from.  Each workout is designed to work multiple parts of your body all at once so that you don't have to work your arms for 10 minutes, then your abs for 10 minutes, then your legs for 10 minutes.  You work out for 10 minutes and you've worked all parts of your body.  The 5 workouts are:  Total Body.  Lower Body, Abs, Cardio, and Yoga Flex.  Now, if you do the Lower Body workout, it still engages your entire body with some really intense work on your lower body.  Still counts for all over. 

Anyway, we did the Total Body one once and the Cardio one once and I was out. It may only be 10 minutes but it kicks your butt! I'm telling you, you can't believe how much it works you out in just 10 minutes. Craziness!  Well, I decided to give it another try. I did Cardio and Yoga Flex last week.  I tell ya, I LOVE Yoga Flex!  It's tough but it's really great for my body because I feel so much more relaxed, less muscle and body aches and pains.

Today I decided to try the Total Body, Lower Body, and Abs. WOWZERS!!! Tough stuff! I was just pouring sweat!  It's amazing what he's come up with in just 10 minutes.  Gracie crawls under me, around me, and on me half the time but I figure I must be burning even more calories with her around.
My blood pressure is through the roof and I am 100 lbs over the weight I want to be.  I am so ashamed that I have let myself go like this.  I want to be healthy.  I really do!  I don't want to have to take blood pressure medication. I don't want to have to have knee surgery but I tell ya what, this last 30 lbs I've put on since my Trigeminal Nerve crap started up has really been wreaking havoc on my poor knees.  I know that it is a lot harder for my body to handle things I need it to when it has all of this extra weight to lug around.  I'm pretty pathetic! 

Anyway, I'm trying to make some changes. They aren't big ones.  I know I need to commit to making some major changes with my eating habits but I'm just not "there" yet.  I'm trying to make some little changes.  Nothing major.  I've cut back a bit on my sugar intake.  I'm really and truly addicted to sugar and carbs in all forms!  This morning I was so proud of myself for not eating the yogurt that Gracie took one bite out of and then refused to eat the rest of.  Also, the cereal that she just HAD to have but left half of.  I didn't eat that either!  I had already eaten a yogurt and some cereal.  I hate throwing away food.  It's just so wasteful!  But, under the circumstances, I think it's better that I throw it away rather than actually eating food that I'm not hungry for and will just add to my weight problem.  I ate salad for lunch today instead of the piece of lasagna that I really wanted.  I didn't eat any of the delicious french bread that my mom made either.  I'm choosing to eat a piece with my dinner but it's better than eating it 2 or 3 times throughout the day.

Also, I have been making more trips up and down the stairs than I already was.  I swear I go up and down them like ten billion times a day already.  But, sometimes I ask the kids to get me something from another floor so I've starting to make more of those trips up and down so that I'm still moving and not being so lazy!
 I just want to be healthier, and to make some changes, hoping that it really will make a difference.  We'll see how it goes...

Shaking Our Envelopes

Today I am really grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ.  This morning I was able to attend a stake Relief Society activity where Brad Wilcox spoke.  He is hilarious and awesome.  My favorite, parts were when he referred to himself as his wife's 1st Counselor.  Cracked me up! 
And when he talked about his mother.  I'm paraphrasing a lot but basically, a while after her husband died a woman asked her when she first noticed Jesus helping her through it.  She thought about it for a minute and then replied that there wasn't a time when He wasn't with her.  She said that in her life there has only ever been one set of footprints.  She could never have made it through life without Him.  I just thought that was really a neat way to look at it. 
Also, he talked about how we aren't just going through life trying to make it back to Heavenly Father's presence.  If that were true we would have never left in the first place.  We are supposed to be better when we return than we were when we left.  He talked about how, in our efforts to make it to Heaven, we are supposed to make ourselves more Heavenly.  Meaning...that our obedience helps us feel more comfortable, and at home, when we "get" to Heaven.  If we aren't being obedient we might not feel quite as comfortable.  I hope that makes sense.  He makes it sound a lot better than I do I'm sure.  :)   
Oh, it was just  a really great talk!  He was at the session of "Time Out For Women" that I attended last year and he was so fun to listen to and so inspiring, that I really wanted to go to this activity and listen to him again.  I love that when ever we try to understand the gospel more or just to bring ourselves closer to our Heavenly Father, and our Savior, Jesus Christ, and The Holy Ghost, we are blessed.  It can be so easy at times and so difficult at other times, but whatever effort we make is appreciated by Them and we are blessed for in some way or another. 
Brad Wilcox talked about that also.  He said that the bishop doesn't act hateful to a little kid who pays his tithing in coins and say you really need to work harder and stuff like that, he just is so happy that the child is being obedient and gaining a testimony of tithing.  He said that it's that way with Heavenly Father.  He's not up there "shaking our envelope", he's just happy to see us show our obedience and making our best effort to grow and learn. 

I'm feeling happy...

Today, I am thankful for the opportunity I have to be a stay-at-home mom.  We have been so blessed and continue to be blessed by our decision for me to be home with our children.  We aren't always blessed financially but we are blessed in other, very important ways.  And we HAVE been blessed financially at times.  Usually the blessings are subtle and if we aren't looking for them, if we aren't being in tune, if we aren't having grateful hearts, we miss the opportunity to acknowledge the blessings.  They are always there though.  Over the past couple of days we've been amazingly blessed.  Over the past couple of months really.  You know, looking back over the past 3 difficult years, blessings were always there in one form or another and we are truly grateful!  I love it when there are little reminders here and there that make me just think-whew, Heavenly Father knows us and loves us and wants us to be happy and helps us every single day of our lives.  Sometimes life is so difficult that it's hard to really feel joyful.  Thank goodness for our children, who bring us joy every single day.  But, lately I find myself feeling happy more and more, and it feels so very good!  It was really hard to feel a lot of joy during the months Brian was out of work.  And it has taken some time to get ove those months and to become comfortable feeling happy instead of dreading what trial will come next.  I love this feeling of happiness and I sure hope it lasts for a while!  I know that there will continue to be trials.  They are inescapeable.  So, for now, we'll just take in as much joy as we possibly can to help sustain us through whatever comes our way.  I love this quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley... “In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured.”  I just have to try to remember that...

Friends

I am so thankful for my friends.  I have been so blessed over the years to have made some really great friendships.  That's one of the best parts of moving and one of the hardest parts, too.  I've certainly learned about loneliness and that if you want to make friends you have to actually put yourself out there. When we lived in Cedar City, our bishopric came to visit us when we moved in and Bishop Callaway gave us some great advice that has stayed with me ever since.  He said not to be offended or hurt if the person sitting next to us in Relief Society or Sunday School, didn't introduce themselves to us because, chances are, they would be newer than we were.  So, I bravely took his advice and introduced myself to people who were by me and pretty much every time, the person really WAS newer than I was. 
Since then I just always introduce myself to people I'm sitting by at church and I've made some really great, lifelong, friends that way.  Sometimes, Heavenly Father just knows our needs so well and matches us up with "kindred spirits" to visit teach us or for us to visit.  When we lived in Pleasant Grove I was SOOOO lonely.  Just painfully lonely.  So, I decided to pray that I would be able to make a friend.  And that's when I met my awesome friend, Melissa.  I just love Melissa so much!  We actually both needed a friend so it was really great that Heavenly Father just happened to put us right next door to each other.  I also made contact with my friend Shani, who I met in high school, and she introduced me to blogging. I WAS SOOO EXCITED!  I LOVE BLOGGING!!!  I started Facebook then,too.  It has been such a great way to renew contact with friends.  I LOVE my friend, Tara B's blog, it's my favorite! And she is amazing and such a great example and hilarious!  It's been so much fun to get to know her better through blogging.
I haven't made any effort to make friends here.  I just haven't really wanted to until  the last few days. Yesterday, I felt so lonely.  My friend, Anna, from Price, called me and we talked for a long time and it was great!  We used to have girls night out once in a while when I still lived there. I've missed her and it was really fun to catch up with her.  I felt so much happier after we talked.  It just made my day!

I wouldn't have been very good "back in the olden days"

I am thankful that I'm alive in this day and age.  I just don't think I'd have been very good at living "back in the olden days". 

My reasons:

• Make-up. Yeah, I scare small children without my make-up. Not that it makes THAT much of a difference but I feel less scary with it on anyway.
• I hate laundry now.  I can only imagine how much "fun" it was to hand wash everything. I know that they had very few clothes to actually wash but still.  They typically had HUGE families, and there was no running water.  No hot water heaters.  No dryers.  No matter what the time of year, the weather, or the temperature, you still had to do it.  
• I would have driven people crazy by my incessant boredom. I swear I have ADHD & OCD.  I'm sure it would be a major problem for me.  Being alive now is just perfect for me.  There are so very many enjoyable ways to spend your time these days. T.V., movies, my phone, the computer, Pinterest! I can't always have time for these things but it's so comforting to know that they're there for me if I need them. :)   Oh, and cameras!  Isn't it great to be able to capture precious moments in our lives like new babies, and weddings, first smiles and first steps.  I could go on and on about that!
• Running water and toilets.
• As much as I love riding horses and I wish I could ride horses more often, I don't think I would want to have to rely on horses as my only form of transportation, whether it be riding one or having my wagon or buggy pulled by one.  I think I'd much rather have the comfort, warmth, convenience, and shelter of my mini van.
• Sleeping on hay mattresses doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun either. 
• There was no Target.  No Costco.  No Walmart.  No Ikea.  No Maurice's.  No outlet stores. 
• Modern medicine.  Especially the actual medicine.  I hate that my Trigeminal Neuralgia's nickname is "The Suicide Drug". It's nice that I can be helped by taking medication for it. Just a few years ago my medications hadn't been developed yet and no one knew they worked for this anyway since they actually were developed to be used for other ailments.                                          And I would NOT have been into having a  baby without the convenience of an epidural.  And those little monitors they put on you that help track the baby's heartbeat. We would have lost Matthew if not for that!  And thank goodness for c-sections! I shutter to think about what might have happened to a lot of my nieces and nephews and their mommies if that hadn't been an option or if it hadn't been done fast enough thanks to detecting the problem in time.  (Not to mention having to be the person who had to clean that mess up in your house after having a baby in your home, without mattress protectors or a washing machine to throw the mess into.  If it happened in my home now I'd just throw it all away and get new ones but I'd imagine you couldn't very well do that back then.)  And Penicillin!  That alone has been such a blessing in people's lives. We are blessed to know that we and our children can be well taken care of if the need arises.  And vaccinations.  I once read in a parenting machine, that we are merely a plane ride away from acquiring any number of hideous disease from people from other countries where they don't vaccinate but who are carries of the disease.  Kind of a scary thought if you ask me. .
• And finally...food!  I love food!  There we no fast food restaurants. No Olive Garden or Cafe Rio.  No happy hour at Sonic.  No Pinterest to find fabulous recipes on.  No Food Network.  No Sweet Tooth Fairy.  It's definitely much more fun to eat these days than it was back then!

Health Insurance

Today, I am thankful for health insurance.  There have been so many times over the years that we haven't had health insurance.  Brian's job doesn't pay quite what we need it to so I just HAVE to figure out a way to bring some money in for us, but I have to say that the benefits he has at his job are really wonderful so we can't complain. Especially since he and I have health issues all of the time.
Now, Brian has some nodules on his thyroid that he had biopsied last Thursday. He has had problems with his thyroid for years and has been on medication for it for quite some time now. He also has had low testosterone. The combination makes for one very exhausted man all of the time. He has no energy and just feels worn out always. So, he was on thyroid and testosterone medication a few years back but the testosterone medication is SOOO expensive. It costs $700.00 a month for the dose he is on now. In the past our insurance covered about half of the cost and his dose was a lot lower so it cost us $150.00.  Once he didn't have that insurance anymore it was costing $300.00 out of pocket. We couldn't afford it. There was just no way. So, now his levels are really low and it costs $700.00 a month but our insurance covers all but $75.00 of it and then his Dr. gave him a card that is from the manufacturer of the Androgel and it covered $50.00 so he only had to pay $25.00. His thyroid medication is only like $4.00, thankfully!  So, it's wonderful that he can have his medication and that he can have the appointments with the specialists who actually know what to watch out for and how to treat his particular problems. He had always gone to family practitioners in the past.
 Now we are waiting, not so patiently, for the results of his biopsy. We won't know until November 15th. It's just brutal waiting for results isn't it?!
My medication costs $200.00 a month so it was really stressful when we didn't have insurance for those months while Brian was out of work. Without my medication I am in such excruciating pain that it is so hard to function. We only paid $200 for it once. The rest of the time my wonderful Dr. and friend gave me samples from her office to get me by until he started working again. Also, Pfizer, who manufactures it has a program that I applied for which is based on your income from the previous year, which he worked most of and got severance pay for so even with getting an entire year's salary, we qualified to have my medication paid for in full. What a blessing that has been!!!  After Brian got his job I called and asked if I needed to reapply based on his current pay and they said no, not until it's been a whole year since my last application. It is such a blessing to be able to take my medication without worrying about eating less food or something so we could still live.
Insurance is such a blessing and something that I am grateful for every single day of my life!

Books

Today I am thankful for books! I LOVE to read! My mom loves to read, too, so she buys books, reads them, and then passes them over to me so I can read them. It's a great system! Several years ago my mom read "In An Instant" by Lee and Bob Woodruff.  If you haven't heard of it, it's the story of news reporter Bob Woodruff, who was one of the reporters who was in Iraq, imbed with military, inorder to report the happenings of the war with Iraq. He experienced head injuries as well as other phyisical injuries when the tank he was on drove over a bomb.
I have moved this book around with me for all these years, never reading it. It just sounded so sad and depressing to me. Well, I finally had the urge to read it. It takes me a really long time to read books these days. I steal time to read a bit here and there. But, this book has been so good. I am just over halfway through it. It shows the perspective of Lee and then the perspective of Bob, through his recovery process as well as flashing back to significant parts of the history of their relationship experiences, leading up to the incident. It's hard to describe but it's really great. It's a tale of history, as well as a love story. It's a REAL picture of love and marriage. Life isn't always a bowl of cherries and you see their difficulties as well as their triumphs.
I think the reason I felt it was time to read this book is that I needed to see that we aren't the only ones who go through ups and downs in our marriage and in our lives. No one's marriage is perfect but the subject is typically not going to be addressed. No one wants to admit to failure or difficulties in their marriage or in their lives. I have really struggled for a while now. Reading this book has helped me to not feel alone. I've struggled with some of the same trials they have faced and it's comforting to see others go through what you have and to see that they made it through it and so can you. But, even if you aren't struggling in your marriage, or in your life, their story is fabulous! It's a great read! I highly recommend it!

Gratitude and a yummy treat

Lately, I have seen so many sad things that people have to deal with. It breaks my heart to see so many people experiencing such spiritually, physically, monitarily, and emotionally draining, difficult things. I wish I was rich and could help people who are in need of money. I wish I was able to take people's suffering from them. It really makes you count your blessings when you see what others are going through.
I am going to say things I am grateful for each day this month again. So, since today is the 2nd of November, I'll tell two things I'm thankful for.
#1-I am so grateful for my sweet little family. I can't imagine life without them. They are just such blessings in my life.
#2-I am grateful for fall and all of the beautiful things that go along with it. I especially love the changing colors of the leaves. They are just spectacular this year and I have enjoyed each and every minute of it! And the food! Fall food is fabulous!!! :)

P.S. If you like pumpkin flavored things you have GOT to try these: (I bought them at Walmart)

WITH:

And your taste buds will joyfully sing...