Brave-ness

My 9 year old Matthew is PAINFULLY shy! He is SO shy that it worries me sometimes. He definitely takes after his dad in that respect. For a couple of weeks now he's been talking about trying out for the school play, which is Cinderella. He wants to play the part of Gus-Gus, which totally cracks me up because he is an incredibly slim size 8. Seriously, we have to cinch up the adjustable waist on those slims. Believe it or not, he takes after me AND Brian in that respect. Who could guess with the way we look now, but it's really true.

Anyhoo, He actually took the initiative to sign up on the list and he chose a certain day and time for the audition. Tuesday, January 22 @ 4:30. He was SOOOO thrilled about this!!! He had to pick a song to sing that was as long as the Happy Birthday song, and recite a couple of lines. Well, I suggested and suggested and suggested songs to sing. For example Spongebob's It's the Best Day Ever or F-U-N. The Best Day Ever shows lots of range if you think about it, so I thought that would be perfect.  He never liked any of my suggestions and he never could decide on a song to sing until 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE AUDITION! He chose Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. Whatev! I know he should have practiced it a lot more and he should have been more prepared and I told him that but he didn't care. He wanted to audition!

The way I pictured it going down: We would get to the school and he would have a severe case of stage fright. He would cry. We would come home.

The way it actually went down: He led us right to where the auditions were. He showed us the paper that he had signed up on that was hanging on the door leading to the auditions. He studied his 2 little lines as he patiently waited for his turn. The chick came out to get him. He bravely walked up the slanted ramped hallway leading to a stark white room with 4 lady judges. He sang his song. He said his parts. Gracie, Max, & I waited in the rampy hallway where we could see his back and hear his voice. He did a great job! We came home.

I...WAS...STUNNED!!!!  

And more than just a little bit proud of my boy!!!!! I am so impressed with him and it makes me feel better. Like he's going to be ok. I can't begin to tell you all of the times he's been too shy to do something. He won't even stand up for himself or ask or tell his teacher something important. I've worried about how he's ever going to make it in this crazy world. Well, apparently he has it in him he just has to want it bad enough. It seems that he's improving little by little, day by day, year by year. I just have to remember that everyone grows at their own pace and that Matthew is Matthew and Zack is Zack and Max is Max and I just can't compare them to each other because it just doesn't work that way. They are rightfully different and fabulous in their own ways and I am just so glad that I get to be their mom. The one who cheers them on when they need encouragement and the one who gets to pat them on the back and praise them when they take those baby steps and show that growth.

I've always said that he would be a wonderful actor. He is SOOO dramatic! When people think we have it easy because girls are so dramatic I always say...you haven't met Matthew or at least he hasn't warmed up to you enough to let you see his dramatic side. He'll be good if he gets the part. I hope that they at least give him some kind of part. He was so brave that I would hate for him to not at least get to participate in some way. Fingers crossed...& toes! :)

Old-School

Sometimes I feel like I live in the dark ages compared to other people. We don't have iPods, iPads, or iPhones. We drive a 1999 Volkswagen Jetta and a 2003 Ford Windstar Minivan. Brian prays every day that the Jetta makes it another day without the transmission going out.

I've used a day planner for the past few years. I just love the organization of them. I have always saved my calendars and day planners because they are kind of like a journal. They tell a story that's for sure! Well, last year I decided to try to be cool and use my pathetic little phone as my planner. All appointments and meetings and school activities were put in it. It was ok but I really just felt so out of control most of the time. I decided that I'd go ahead and use a planner again this year. I found the cutest one at Target Saturday! I just love it! It's black, white, and a pretty shade of pink. I already feel so much more organized. I might look funny with my big ol' planner when I'm next to the iPad people but it works for me. What can I say...sometimes old-school just works the best...

Cuteness and goodbye...

~This morning I was sitting on the floor in the closet trying to organize shoes and clothes when Matthew and Max started getting ready for school. They were singing songs from the radio. They didn't get a lot of the words right and it cracked me up. I didn't correct them, I just smiled as they sang their little hearts out. I just love them so much!

~Last night we had the last family shindig before Nathan and Heidi headed back to Florida. We ate, visited, the guys watched the big game upstairs. The kids played together. Isabelle (Nate's oldest daughter who's 5 and in kindergarten) said to Steph and J.J. that they could come to Florida to visit them on Valentine's Day or Easter. Then she told Brian and I and our kids that we could come visit them for her birthday in June. She described the birthday cake she'll have and other fun details about the party she'll have. She is adorable and had a wonderful, dramatic, excitement, and imagination about her. It was so hard to look at her beautiful little face and her pretty little eyes and try to explain that we can't afford to go to Florida to see her. I'm so afraid she's totally expecting us to show up for her birthday and will just be so disappointed when we don't show up.

When Izzy was born they lived in Provo. They came to Mom's for Sunday every week. They shared holidays, birthdays, dance recitals, births, baby blessings. They moved about a year and a half ago. My mom has been broken hearted ever since about it and poor little Josh (Steph's 5 year-old son) has missed her so much. They were best pals since he was born when Izzy was 4 months old!

I'm not big on goodbyes! There are 6 of us kids in our family and now Rob, Dana, and Nathan all live in other states with their sweet families. We all miss them so much! When I think about it I just don't know how my mom handles it!

They left for the airport at 3:00am so we had to say goodbye last night. We said our goodbyes and headed downstairs before they said goodbye to my parents. I guess Izzy just sobbed and said that she didn't want to leave. :'(  Little Mikey is about a month older than my Gracie is. Tommy is about 14 months old. We'll miss them all so much! Gracie still didn't really know what was going on so she cried this morning when we told her they were gone.

It was fun to see what a cute little family they are. I love listening to my brothers talk to their kids. Heidi is such a good little mom!

Still here...

Life is hard isn't it! I have seen so much loss over the past few months and so much suffering happen to others and it has just been hard to watch people go through such hard times and not be able to do much to help them. In addition to loss of loved ones I've seen loss of jobs and other temporal losses.

Also, my sister, Dana's husband, who is in the Special Forces in the Army, is deployed right now. He missed Thanksgiving, Christmas, the birth of their second grandchild. My sister only has her little family to celebrate with as she doesn't live near any of us or her in-laws. I have felt so bad for her and her family. I feel bad for the families who's soldiers have lost their lives.

Words cannot express the feelings of sadness I have had for the people in Connecticut who lost loved ones or who have loved ones who survived it and will struggle with it the rest of their lives. It breaks my heart to think that there is such evil in our world. Truly horrific!

We had a wonderful Christmas. We are truly blessed in so many ways. My brother, Nathan, and his family are here and have been since the 18th. They live in Florida and it's been a year and a half since we've seen them. It's been wonderful having them here!

My sister Steph and her husband J.J. are part-owners of a cabin. This year they were able to stay in the cabin from December 26th to January 1st. They were nice enough to invite our family, my parents, KayTee and Chris, and Nathan and his family, to spend that time with them. It was so much fun! The kids and Brian rode snowmobiles and went sledding and played in the snow. I stayed inside the entire time as one of the main triggers for my Trigeminal Neuralgia is cold. Cold air. Cold food. Cold drinks. Cold. I read a book, relaxed, held Steph's darling 2 month-old son, Jacob. It was so nice! Matthew came down with a fever on Christmas Day and had some breathing issues so he had to stay inside the whole time. He did get to play outside for a little while one day when he was feeling a lot better but then he was back to square one again afterwards so we kept him inside the rest of the time. It's beautiful there!

Sometimes it's hard for my extremely sympathetic/empathetic heart to enjoy things to the fullest when I know of other people's trials and suffering. I know that "men are that they might have joy" but still! I just sincerely hope and pray that those who have cause to mourn are comforted and blessed in the ways that they are in need of. Sometimes it's hard to snap out of depression when it rears it's ugly head. I'm trying to overcome it and be joyful but it's hard. I have so very many blessings and I am trying to focus on that and to be what my family needs. And to be grateful for all that I have. I desperately want to help those around me who are in need of a lift. Can anyone suggest ways that I might be able to do that without making their suffering worse? I'm not very good at this! I so want to be though!

So, I know it's been a while since I've posted on here but I'm still here. Just haven't known what to say...