Count Your Many Blessings...

I'm feeling discouraged and like I'm in a major FUNK so I thought I'd listen to one of my favorite church songs and count my many blessings so here goes...
1. BRIAN: I love him and am so grateful for the hard work he has put into making a better life for our family. I know he is as frustrated right now as I am about not being able to move out of his mom's house. There is NOTHING to rent here!!! I take that back. There are 2 places to rent that are WAY TOO expensive for us to rent but otherwise would be perfect. Perfect location. Perfect size. We would just have to starve to be able to live there. I'm concidering it!!! The other places to rent right now are on either side of a canal that runs fast and full and has railroad tracks running at the end of the back yard. Other than that they are superfantabulous!!! They really are though. That's the hard thing. Tons of property. Nice house. Just don't think I could handle the stress of worrying about one of my children drowning or getting run over by a train every time they go out the door to play.  Anyway I am so happy that Brian has a good job with great benefits and that his job is close by and he doesn't have to wake up so EARLY anymore and I can snuggle him a little if I feel like it before he goes to work. He also gets to come home for lunch everyday so I get to talk to an adult for a whole hour in the middle of the day.  And I like that it only takes him 5-10 minutes to get home every night instead of at least an hour like before.
2. MY WONDERFUL CHILDREN: I am so grateful to have a beautiful daughter and 3 amazing sons to care for each day. Thank goodness for them. They bring so much joy and purpose to our lives. I always think...what did we do without them. Then I remember...we just wished for them..that's what we did without them. Don't you just KNOW that your kids were meant to be yours. My soul rejoices with each new spirit we are blessed with and I just know that my spirit knew them before this life and missed them like crazy and feels more whole once they are here with me.
3. SUNBEAMS (the 3 year old church class I teach): They are so cute! One little girl sang out a great song about Jesus on Sunday so beautifully and with such conviction. She brought tears to my eyes. Sweet little angel. Then there was a boy that came up to me and said,''My dad wipes my bum with toilet paper."   Well, gee, thanks for sharing!!! Cracked me up!
4. 50 DEGREES: Yesterday it was 50 degrees!! LOVED it! The kids rode their bikes and played outside. They are so sick of the snow they can't stand it so they have loved having grass to play on again.
5. FOOD: I LOVE food!!! I love the textures, the colors, the smells, the flavors. I LOVE FOOD!!! I am not a big baker. Yeast hates me! My main food joy comes in creating meals. I enjoy the whole process. I enjoy making a menu. I learned this from my sister in law, Stephanie. She is AWESOME!!! I try my best to make a 2 week menu so that I don't have to worry about not having enough money at the end of the pay period for food. I hate going to the store. I don't mind it if I go on Saturday morning alone before everyone else wakes up and I can just browse and enjoy the experience. When I have to take the kids, which I do 99% of the time, I want to pull my hair out the entire time and feel like a crazy person!!! I really enjoy cooking delicious meals. Most of the recipes I have are so delicious I'd rather eat at home than out most days. The only reason for eating out in my opinion is so that someone else has to clean up the mess that night instead of me! I used to be the worst cook ever but have improved enough that I really enjoy the process and the end result. I am also ADDICTED to the Food Network!!!!! LOVE IT!!
6. EXTENDED FAMILIES: I am so grateful for our extended families. I love them and enjoy them so much! I hope that they all know that! I am grateful that Ruth lets us live here even though we are all driving each other crazy and want our own space we appreciate that she allows us to stay with her. Please pray for us to find a place to live before you catch us on an episode of SNAPPED!!!!
7. HEAVENLY FATHER: I love Him so much! I know He loves me! I know that I can not find any joy in this life as fulfilling and comforting as knowing that He loves me! There was a time I wondered if He did love me at all. I had experienced about 5 years of infertility at that point and wanted nothing more than to be a mother. I had had 2 miscarriages. At that point I was sad to lose those babies but so happy to know that I could actually GET pregnant! Well, I had been trying really hard to improve myself spiritually and was stronger than I've ever been spiritually I would say. Well, I got pregnant. I thought it was THE answer to my prayer. It was a reward for doing right. In our mortal life that's how it works so it's hard not to think like that. We do what we are supposed to do and then we are rewarded for it whether through a degree earned, recognition, a job, a promotion. We don't get punished unless we do something bad. That isn't how it works with Heavenly Father. We are ALL on this earth to be tried and tested. We ALL have to go through this process! Being more valiant doesn't make it so we don't have trials. Being valiant helps us to handle our trials better. To find strength when we need it most because we are inviting that strength to our lives. Well, I was THRILLED as you might imagine when I found out I was pregnant. I just KNEW it was going to work this time because Heavenly Father was rewarding me. You also might imagine how DEVASTATED I was when I lost that baby, too, at 10 weeks. I felt like Heavenly Father was mean. That He knew that I trusted Him and had faith that He could have made it work if He had wanted to...if He LOVED me. It was the most testimony shaking experience I had ever had! I was ANGRY, HURT, DISAPPOINTED, SAD, truly DEVASTATED and ALONE!!!! I think Brian thought I was going to be struck by lightning for feeling the way I did. I finally humbled myself to ask for a blessing from Brian and things were said in it that answered questions and thoughts I had not expressed to anyone. I knew from things that were said that Heavenly Father loves me. He wants me to be happy. He wasn't punishing me. It was as if His loving arms were wrapped around me and He said it's ok, I love you, I'm here for you, you have to go through this and I will help you through it. I will not leave you alone. I often think of Him now more as a parent than I did before. I can't imagine the pain He experienced during our Saviour's atonement. I think of a loving parent watching their child go through the pain of stitches, or a shot, or a broken arm, or much, much worse, and knowing that you would take it away from them if you could. That it kills you to know they are suffering. That you hold them and say it's ok, I'm here for you, I won't leave you alone, I'll help you through it. I think also about those times when it's too much to handle and you have to leave the room. You can't watch. You can't hear their crys. I wonder how Heavenly Father endured the atonement of His Beloved Son?! I am thankful for their love for us and their willingness to provide the way for us to return to live with them again! I am thankful for the testimony I gained through that difficult experience and I am thankful for His forgiveness of my questioning His love for me! I cherish this experience and gained a strength and testimony and love for my Heavenly Father that I never knew before and, knowing me, I would never have gained in another way. I am grateful for His love!!!!
8. JESUS CHRIST: I am thankful to know that Jesus Christ is a real person. That he loved you and me and everyone enough to suffer for our sins. Not only our sins but our pain. Our depression. Our disappointment. He suffered that experience I talked about in #7 so that He could be there to help me through it. So that He could help me not to feel alone. So that He could explain my heart to Heavenly Father so I could be forgiven and helped and loved. I am so thankful to know someone loves me THAT much! HE loves me THAT much! To suffer, to die, to be resurrected. To live again. Forever. So that I can live again. Forever. With Him and with my Father in Heaven, and with my family who I love so very much.
9. THE HOLY GHOST: During the years of infertility and miscarriage and monthly disappointment and sadness I learned a very important lesson that helped me so much. The Holy Ghost is there to comfort us. I asked often to feel the comfort of the Holy Ghost to help me get past the disappointment, frustration,  and sadness. He was always there for me. I am so grateful for Him as well. The Godhead. What a blessing! I know that we can receive NO greater blessing in this life!!!