When I was in college I started to really "get" the gospel. Oh, I was raised with it and went to church every week and listened to talks and lessons about the gospel but it wasn't until I was in college that it all kind of came together in my mind and I really started to understand it all. As I read the scriptures I began to question different teachings and principals of the gospel. It seemed that each time I went to church the lessons and talks were about the particular subject I was curious about and answers leapt from the pages as I read The Book of Mormon. Well, since we have lived here I have wondered about two different things; recognizing the spirit and forgiveness. Working with the youth of the church has been wonderful for me. I have learned a lot!
There have been many lessons and talks given at church about the spirit and how to recognize it. I feel much more confident about recognizing the spirit because of these talks and lessons. When we went to the Manti Temple once for baptisms a man told the youth to focus on the way they were feeling in the temple that day. He said there is a different feeling in the temple than anywhere else. That feeling is the spirit. The more you try to make choices that will bring the spirit such as; reading scriptures, attending church and other meetings, praying always, and attending the temple as much as possible, the more they will be able to feel the spirit and recognize it's guidance and direction in their lives. That really helped me a lot! Another experience I had happened just yesterday, actually. We were having a combined meeting and a counselor in the Bishopric was giving the lesson. It was about the spirit. He said that often times we wonder; is it the spirit talking to me or is it just my own thoughts? He said if it's a good choice then it doesn't really matter, if we just do it, good will come from it. Our bishop was in the meeting and was talking about that too. It just came to my mind when he was talking that if we just start always following that feeling when it comes, whether it's the spirit or our own thoughts, the spirit will know that we will actually listen to it and won't stop giving us those impressions. We are taught in the scriptures that we are to be submissive and ALWAYS listening to those promptings definitely helps us to be submissive. I know everyone else probably already knows all this and it just takes me longer to learn things but it sure feels great to understand the Holy Ghost better!
As for forgiveness...I'm still not there yet. There have been so many lessons and talks on forgiveness lately that it's kind of crazy and I STILL struggle! I know that we are supposed to forgive EVERYONE. I "get" that. We have forgiven and forgotten over and over and over again. We aren't big grudge holders. We can forgive and forget and continue to be around people no matter what. We have had issues with some of our family for over a year now and I have to wonder if what we are doing is acceptable to the Lord. We have chosen to just not have them in our lives. We love them very much (some more than others (<: ) and we really miss having them in our lives. But we have been hurt by them so badly. They don't feel that they have done anything wrong. They heard our side of things and they just flat out don't care. They have turned their backs on us and have listened to lie after lie that others have told them about us. So, the question is...do you have to forgive people who don't think they have done anything wrong and don't even WANT your forgiveness in the first place? We are very forgiving people!!! We would give them forgiveness in a heartbeat if they asked for it. But they jut plain don't want it. What they want is for us to just come around again and act like nothing ever happened. We feel that THEY should be asking for OUR forgiveness. So what do you do in this situation? There is one of the people involved that we don't really have anything against and we just kind of feel like they were caught in the middle and we would love nothing more than to mend that relationship and be part of each others lives again. We just can't picture family gatherings with EVERYONE. Just too much! So how does it play into the rules of forgiveness? Do you have to give forgiveness to people who don't want it? THAT is my question...
If we do forgive do we still HAVE to be around them and allow their toxic influences into our lives? Can we truly forgive them if we don't let them back into our lives? It's just so hard! Forgiveness, in the past has been easier because it was easier to get over the situation. This situation is just so stinking hard for us. We just can't ever imagine having most of the people in our lives again. Too much has been said and done. You can't just erase years of lies behind our backs and years of trying to destroy us in others' eyes, and all the words that have been spoken. The damage is irreparable it seems. Trust has been obliterated! I want to forgive them but I don't want to spend time with people who think so little of me and my husband and children. Is that WRONG?
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