The bead jar...

A couple of years ago I was watching The Nanny and she had the parents set up a reward system for the kids where each child got a certain amount of marbles as a reward for good behavior to put in a jar each day. Once the jar was full they would get some sort of reward. I decided to try it with my kids. Marbles are quite pricey so I went to the good ol' dollar store and got these glass beads and a Tupperware type container and started the bead jar at our house. If we asked the kids to do something like pick up their toys or whatever they would get a bead for doing whatever the thing was we asked them to do. It worked great and it helped a lot with the problem we were having with the boys not listening to us. Their reward for filling the container was a trip to the bowling alley. They LOVED it!!! Well, we hadn't done it since then, until recently when the boys were at each others throats CONSTANTLY!!! Punishments weren't working any longer and it was just ridiculous how often we had to get after them. We were at our wits end. I remembered the bead jar and pulled it out and we started it up again with new rules. Each child would get 3 beads at the end of the day. If they hit, kicked, punched, or bit their brother a bead would be taken away. If they were mean to their brothers or wresltled (wrestling would be fine if they didn't ALWAYS get hurt and cry and whine and take it just way too far so it's off limits now) they got one taken away. They also had to keep their hands to themselves or a bead would be taken away. You would NOT believe how well this worked!!! We were pleasantly shocked!!! It worked WONDERS! WE were horribly inconsistent. We would forget to give them the beads at night, often. Suddenly they would be acting like wild animals again and we'd realize we had slacked off on actually giving them the beads again. We'd start back up again and they would behave again. Matthew and Zack were the best at having 3 beads left at night even though Matthew was the one that was the worst at beating the crap out of his brothers so I was thoroughly amazed at this development! Max rarely had 3 beads at the end of the day. It is really difficult to be the youngest and not get frustrated with your brothers. And it is especially difficult to remember to keep your hands and feet and body away from your brothers when you are 4 so even though he didn't have 3 beads he did as well as one might expect him to do. I also must say we weren't HORRIBLY rigid. We understand that "boys will be boys" so we would remind them that their behavior would make them lose a bead if they didn't stop and they usually stopped right then. Well, they filled up the jar and we are going to do something fun as a reward now. Not sure what but something super fun for them. We started it up again and the rules have changed again. Each child gets 5 beads now at the end of the day. While they still have to be kind to their brothers they also have to listen to their parents, behave at Walmart, go to primary without throwing a fit (Matthew), and help out when we ask them.They get bonus beads for doing extra stuff. For instance, they all worked together to clean out a flower bed today and got 5 extra beads each. This is the best thing ever!!! A reward system works so much better than any punishment does. All I have to say is do you want to lose a bead? and they instantly shape up. My parents used this method with a particularly difficult primary class they taught. The class would get x-number of marbles for behaving during sharing time and singing time and class time. Once they filled the jar they got to have a pizza party during the week at my parents house. It worked really well for them as well. I'm really hoping this will help us to get Max to listen to us. He NEVER listens to us!! We've been doing it for 2 days now and so far so good... Also, I love how it has helped me feel more like a loving mother instead of like a drill sergeant and referree all the time. I don't like having to constantly punish the kids but I also don't like it when they behave badly so this has just been a great blessing to our family!!!